Heart of Corinth

Saying “God Bless”

2011-08-26T09:26:00.000-07:00

First of all let me apologise for how little I’ve been posting recently. I’m starting my move to university and everything’s up in the air. I’ve been busy with that, along with a heavy training schedule at the gym and an increase in social activity (oddly). I’ve not even been certain about my place at university until yesterday, so that’s been slightly stressful too.

But anyway, I’ll get on with the post.

Today’s blog will be a slightly different format to the usual here at Heart of Corinth; instead of taking a Bible passage or Biblical idea and expanding on it, I’m going to talk briefly about something that happened to me the other day and what it made me think of/about. It’ll be much more chatty than usual, I hope.

So, on with it…

The other day I was e-mailing the co-ordinator of the course I will be doing at uni and at the end, instead of tagging it “sincerely” or “faithfully”, I automatically put “God bless”. I stopped as soon as I had written it and mused over whether or not it was okay to put that. Would she have been annoyed at me for pushing my beliefs? Would she have thought it a poor attempt to make myself look like a nice guy and be a boot licker? I didn’t know what the reaction would be, but I found it curious that in this day and age, with political correctness having gone so wildly out of control, I didn’t even feel comfortable saying something as well-meant as “God bless”.

So here’s my thought – who feels the same as me, like they can’t say something as simple as “God bless” as they don’t know what the reaction will be?

And why do we feel that way?

Even more importantly, should we let the political correctness mentality of today’s culture stop us from sharing our faith openly?

If you want to ‘weigh-in’ at this point, please do! Drop a comment in the box or, as always, you can get me on Twitter or e-mail me.

My answer is of course no, we shouldn’t let culture stop us sharing our faith with anyone, as Paul rightly says in Romans.

Romans 12:2 –

“Do not be conformed to this world”

So though we should not conform, it’s also a case of having discernment as to when, where and how it’s appropriate. For instance, meeting up with someone who lets slip a secret that they recently had an abortion is not an invitation to stand up, point at them and scream “you’re going to Hell, you heathen!”

If someone mentions they’re Muslim or Buddhist, it’s not an invitation for you to go Wicker man on them, trying to burn them for worshipping false gods (and if this is your first reaction you seriously need help).

However, if someone says they are fed up with their husband as all he does is lay about, doing nothing and not working, and asks what you think, that’s definitely an opportunity to talk about how you believe men in relationships should act because of being a Christian.

Should we shy away from sharing blessings with people though? Hell no!

The authors of the Bible speak of blessings, or share blessings frequently throughout scripture.

In fact, Paul often signs off his own messages to churches with his own version of the “God bless”.

1 Corinthians 16:23-24 –

“May the grace of the Lord Jesus be with you.

My love to all of you in Christ Jesus.”

2 Corinthians 13:14 –

“May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.”

Galatians 6:18 –

“Dear brothers and sisters,may the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Amen.”

Ephesians 6:23-24 –

“Peace be with you, dear brothers and sisters, and may God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you love with faithfulness. May God’s grace be eternally upon all who love our Lord Jesus Christ.”

Seeing a pattern emerging?

Paul was always putting these versions of “God bless” onto his letters, and I honestly feel we should be doing the same.

Some people at this point will say “Ed, don’t be a twonk, he’s writing to churches in all of those instances, but we’re talking about e-mailing people who may not even be Christians!”

To this I would say yeah, you’re right, but he also very clearly speaks to those who he knows are non-Christians, or people masquerading as Christians within the churches. Ask yourself this – if Paul wrote to other notaries, including kings who would not have been Christian, would he have ended his letter any other way?

Nope, probably not.

To my mind, it seems that my doubting the acceptability of “God bless” on that e-mail was an unrighteous fear of Man that I was exhibiting. Remember, a simple “God bless” is not pushing your faith on anyone, it’s just asking God to bless them, doing what you consider to be a kindness. You show a person honour, respect and love when you say “God bless” at the end of your e-mails, your letters, or your text messages.

Let’s bring back “God bless”.

If you have any opinions you’d like to share on this post, or to let me know how your rejuvenating the “God bless” tagline has gone, please contact me on Twitter or e-mail me.

God bless!

Christianxiety

2011-08-03T09:03:00.000-07:00

Life is hard, let’s start there.

Life is just trial after trial after trial, or that’s how it feels, right? There’s constantly something new to face and deal with, there’s constant reason(s) for anxiety, there’s always something that isn’t the way it should be, and this all makes life just hard sometimes. We’re dealing with the consequences of a fallen world, apart from what God had intended, and it’s tough.

I know this as much as anyone, and this has never been more obvious to me than recently. In the last month I have been crabby, anxious, stressed, tired, grumpy and just a little more difficult than usual to be around. It’s so unusual for me to be anything other than relaxed and cheery that it really threw Sam, among others, into a loop. It occurs to me now that perhaps the last month has been so difficult purely so that God could prepare me for this post, who knows, but it is what it is and God is working on and through me to start re-building after this season of relative stress.

This post is called Christianxiety because I wanted the link between Christianity and anxiety to be pulled to the surface, because too often the teaching on the subject of anxiety or fear is just poor.

How many of you came from churches that said “you should never be anxious, because you should trust in God. If you have anxiety then you aren’t trusting God; you should never be anxious or stressed etc”? Basically saying that you’re not a whole person, not a true Christian, if you ever have a single moment of anxiety.

Now this isn’t entirely true. Yes, it says in the Bible in several places that we are to trust in the Lord (we’ll look at those soon, hang in there).

Yes, we know that God will work all things out for us…

My rebuttal to this would be this question – “who are we supposed to model ourselves on?”

Answer? Well, if you’ve read any of this blog before you’ll know that it’s Jesus.

Does Jesus ever suffer from anxiety?

I’d say so. Ever read the story of Jesus praying in Gethsemane before He gets crucified? The Bible tells us He was suffering from anxiety so terribly that He was sweating blood. That is a seriously stressed dude right there.

Now, if suffering from anxiety means not trusting in the Lord and being less than a whole Christian, as some churches say, does that mean Jesus Christ was not trusting God or was being a bad disciple of God?

Of course not.

So for all of you who feel bad for being anxious, feel like you’re a terrible Christian because you’re suffering from stress or depression, I just want to tell you that it’s okay. Your anxieties are valid, your stress is normal, you are not a bad person or a ‘bad Christian’.

With that said, I’d like to just add that although anxiety is normal and not sinful, it is not what God wants for us. God is there for us, come Hell or high water, and we need to learn to rely on him and seek solace in him.

Let’s turn to the Bible at this point.

Matthew 6:25-34 –

““That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

“And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God– above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” ”

Interestingly enough, at the end of what Jesus is saying here, He admits that today has troubles, and says that tomorrow will also have troubles. Here is evidence that Jesus, as perfect as He was, suffered from troubles (because crucifixion and betrayal by a friend suck), leaving me to wonder where the church teaching we discussed earlier get their ideas from…

Anyway, on with the point of the post.

Imagine you’re stood in your kitchen, or back room of some sort, looking out onto your garden (if you don’t have one then imagine you do) and you see some birds pecking at the grass, looking for worms or seeds.

Have those birds planted those seeds? No.

Have those birds farmed those worms? No.

So how do they survive? Because God provides for them.

Do you have any idea how much more precious you are than a bird? God has breathed His spirit into you, you bear his image and likeness; you’re God’s most beloved creation, proven when he sent his son, Jesus, to die for you even though you never did anything but harm and misalign and disregard and disrespect God.

If God provides for those birds, then surely He will provide for you. Jesus himself tells you so, so take His word for it, not mine.

Personally, I struggle with this. I find it so hard to believe that I don’t have to do anything to receive this love and care, except love Jesus and follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit within me. My default mode is “I trust God to work it all out, but it won’t hurt for me to take the reigns occasionally”.

While it’s true that nothing happens on its own, my attitude shows I have less trust in God’s ways than perhaps I should.

I trust in God’s plans, I don’t trust enough in His ways. Follow?

I try to help God by going about my own thing, finding out ways I could supplement His plan. What I should do is pray and ask God what He wants me to do. In the few times I’ve done this good has always come out of it first time, instead of the hit and miss I get when I try to supplement God, instead of work with Him.

I try to help God instead of letting Him help me.

Again, for clarity, this doesn’t mean “I need a job so God will give me a job, Ed says I can sit here and wait for it to happen, playing WoW and scratching myself with cheeto-stained fingers.”

At no point am I ever going to consider cheeto-stains and scratching yourself a good plan. What I’m saying is that you have to trust God’s ways, pray to find what He wants you to do.

See an advert for a job you might fancy doing? Pray about it to see if you should apply. Get an interview from a few of the applications you felt God pushing you to hand in? Pray and see which interview you should go to.

Don’t expect God to produce manna for you like He did for the nation of Israel, you still have to actively pursue a job, or whatever it is you need, but don’t take God’s plans out of consideration. Pray continually that you are doing what God wants you to do.

Proverbs 3:5-6 –

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart;

do not depend on your own understanding.

Seek his will in all you do,

and he will show you which path to take.”

Jesus goes on to say that worrying over things doesn’t actually do you any good. It’s a pretty well-known fact now that stress can considerably shorten your life span, and in the life it leaves you it can lower your enjoyment of it.

Now there are some things that are stressful, and are validly so. It’s natural and understandable to stress if you can’t pay this months’ car payment. It’s understandable to be stressed if you’re short on the mortgage. I’m not saying you have to instantly become some guru who finds the silver lining in every situation. What I’m saying is that if you have big things to worry about then why worry about the small things? If you have only small things to worry about, why worry about them because they are, after all, just small things?

Start small. Worried about being late to meet a friend for a drink? Chill out, it’s not a big deal and it doesn’t matter.

Worried about not getting to the gym as much one week as you’d like? Relax, it’s really not an issue.

Start small, eradicating the small stresses, trusting in God’s providence, and eventually it will work its way into the bigger things.

So, as Jesus says, seek the Kingdom of God and live righteously, as then God’s grace and love can shine most brilliantly in your life.

Proverbs 3:24-26 –

“You can go to bed without fear;

you will lie down and sleep soundly.

You need not be afraid of sudden disaster

or the destruction that comes upon the wicked,

for the Lord is your security.

He will keep your foot from being caught in a trap.”

So remember all of this when you make your plans, no matter how mundane they may seem to you. Have faith that God will work in your plans if you dedicate them to Him.

Proverbs 16:1 –

“We can make our own plans,

but the Lord gives the right answer.”

Proverbs 16:3 –

“Commit your actions to the Lord,

and your plans will succeed.”

Proverbs 16:9 –

“We can make our plans,

but the Lord determines our steps.”

Proverbs 16:33 –

“We may throw the dice,

but the Lord determines how they fall.”

So continue on in faith, trusting in God that He will help you with your decisions if you actively involve and rely on Him when making them. Never assume you can do all right if you get on with what you want to do without dedicating it to God, because it’ll be harder than you expect.

When anxiety comes from unexpected circumstances or just life in general, trust that God will work it out for good and work through it. God doesn’t want you to be anxious, he doesn’t want you to worry and he doesn’t want you to stress, so why do it? God has plans for you, be strong in that knowledge.

God has a purpose for you, be strong in that knowledge.

God can and will provide for you, be strong in that knowledge.

God can deal with your anxieties so you don’t have to, be strong in that knowledge.

This week I want you to try something. Try counting how many times each day you ask God for His input on a decision you make. Try counting how many times you worry about something you haven’t yet brought to God.

When you’ve done that, the following week try consciously praying about decisions more, and see how much your anxiety goes down.

I pray this has been helpful to those of us who are stressed and troubled, who suffer with anxiety and worries. I pray that they come to know God’s faith and His grace and love, relying on him to help them deal with their worries, and that people would build their decisions from a foundation of Jesus, instead of trying to add him in later when stress sets in.

Dating: Part VI - Q & A

2011-07-28T06:29:00.000-07:00

I’ve been putting off posting this for such a long time, as I’ve been enjoying doing this series so much. I’ve had such a great response from people about the posts and I hope it continues to be as popular once it’s finished as it has been the last couple of months. I want to just say thank you to everyone reading, re-tweeting, sharing and giving feedback on the series, it’s really encouraged me to keep this up.

So for this final part of the Dating series I’ve teamed up with my girlfriend, Sam, to go through the top questions I’ve been asked as a result of this series! We each independently answered the questions and compared answers. I think you’ll be as surprised as I was to find how similar our answers were…

So here we go, Dating Part VI: Q & A! My answers are in blue, and Sam’s are in pink.

Q: Why do you believe in no sex before marriage?

Ed: As I went through in-depth in Part V: Sex (see here) there have been various studies that have shown a link between pre-marital sex and lack of happiness, contentment, communication and fidelity within marriage. Also, and again as discussed in Part V of this series, the Bible shows us in several places why pre-marital sex is unacceptable.

Sam: Marriage is for 2 people who are brought together as ‘one flesh’, to use the language of the Bible. We believe that this is for married couples only, as they are to be one flesh. It is a gift from God and should be kept holy. Also, see Part V for the various issues that can become an issue in marriage due to pre-marital sex, such as higher divorce rates etc.

Q: Do you believe that as a non-Christian I am less capable of love and forgiveness, particularly in a relationship?

Ed: Yes, God is the start point and creation (origin) of all love and forgiveness. If you don’t know God, don’t know his perfect love and forgiveness, then you do not have access to exhibit it yourself. How can you live something you have no concept of?

Sam: You are not less capable, but that capability is only ‘activated’, so to speak, through receiving the love and forgiveness of God. Without that, being loving and forgiving will be a struggle instead of a joy.

Q: Is there anything wrong with sleeping in the same bed as your girlfriend?

Ed: Yes and no… Most people see this as a special thing for marriage, and to sleep with one another (sleep, not, you know, sleep) together pre-maritally can rob marriage of one element of its uniqueness (see part V of this series here). Also, it is so hard not to go further when together in bed, so why risk the temptation? It’s like smoking – it’s not a sin, but it’s dumb, so why do it?

Strive for holiness in your relationship.

Sam: Yes and No; no as long as you are just sleeping and nothing else, but yes as this is something married couples do, so should really be saved for marriage. It can also lead to temptation.

Q: Where’s the line for stuff sexually/How far is too far?

Ed: Too far is anything that causes you to cross boundaries, dishonour one another, or lead one another to sin. For instance, oral sex can often stir up the feelings of needing to go further, as it’s so close yet not quite full-blown sex. It can cause you to crave sex, which is not the pure and holy minds with “not a hint of immorality” we are called to have.

Sam: I think the line is where you both feel you can be intimate without actually doing anything sexual. Every relationship needs intimacy, but relational intimacy can be had without sexual intimacy.

Q: What’s wrong with sex before marriage if you know that’s the person you’re going to marry?

Ed: Here’s a question in answer to your question – How do you know that the person you’re dating is the person you’re going to marry?

You can’t be certain can you, so why risk it?

Also, see answer 1 in this post for discussion on pre-marital sex in totality.

Sam: You can’t know 100% that you’ll marry the person you’re with now; also, you should still wait as it is still for marriage (see Q1).

Q: Is living together before marriage okay?

Ed: No. See Q3 – pre-marital uniqueness. Beyond that, how much more difficult will it be to live with someone, see them 24/7, and still stick to Biblical dating principles? You might catch a look at them naked in the shower by accident, you might sleep in the same bed as one another, you share bills & expenses (which robs marriage further of the unique aspect of oneness) etc. If you’re with one another 24/7 you may become too comfortable, and that’s when temptation sets in…

Sam: No. Living together is one of the many parts of being married that are unique to marriage. Temptation is also a factor, as being together all the time can lead very easily into a sort of roleplay marriage life, where it feels like you’re married and what do married people get to do?

Q: Surely it’s okay to date a non-Christian as God may want you to be the one to convert them?

Ed: He might, possibly, but how do you know that? To assume God needs you is pretty arrogant. It’s Jesus’ job to save, not yours. Plus, who’s to say he/she doesn’t convert you instead of vice versa? It’s harder to pull someone up onto the table with you than it is for them to pull you off…

I know how this feels though, so I’ll be sympathetic. I had to not date Sam for the longest time as she wasn’t a Christian, and I did not want to enter into the whole “save your girl” concept. I’m not a hero, I’m not a saviour, but Jesus is. Let him do the work; if it’s meant to be then it’ll happen.

Sam: You shouldn’t be dating someone just to ‘convert’ them. Besides, Jesus saves, not us, although people can be influential. Also, you don’t know that they will truly be saved and you need to both have the same values and beliefs before you date.

So there we have it, the Dating series all wrapped up and finished with. I’ll try to put all of the posts into a little online book, like I did with the Questions from a New Christian series (see that, and the study guide, here), but I have no idea when that will be done for you guys.

If you have any ideas for the next series I take a stab at here on Heart of Corinth then please do get in touch (get me on Twitter or e-mail me), I might just select it and take a few weeks to go through the subject you choose.

I thank you, Lord Jesus, that I get to do this; that I get to work through your word and bring it to people in a way that is practical. I thank you that the impression I’m getting from people reading this blog is that it is very helpful, and I know that is down to your doing and not my own. I pray for all the people who have read this and have more questions, or need further insight, that they seek you out and get their answers from you. I pray that we have more men and women of Christ coming together to have good, biblical relationships. I pray also for those who feel guilt from any of their previous experiences or when they stumble in their current relationships; I pray they come to you for forgiveness and continue on in the fervent belief that you will help pick them up should they stumble again.

Dating: Part V – Sex

2011-07-10T09:22:00.000-07:00

It’s back! After a lengthy break, mostly due to my having a week away with Sam (see here), I’m back at the keyboard and back into the Dating series.

I have to take a moment to say that this series has surprised even me with its popularity. You guys seem to be loving it, and I extend a personal thank you to each and every one of you who has come back to read each of these posts.

As for this particular post I would give one warning – it may be a bit unsuitable for anyone of a more sensitive nature, or for those under the age of 18. If you are a younger person reading this, God bless you for being here, but please get one of your parents to read this and make sure it’s suitable for you before you go through it.

With all that said, let’s get into the nitty-gritty.

What is sex?

Sex was made by God for pleasure, oneness and procreation.

A lot of people get this wrong, siding with one of God’s motivations for creating sex to the exclusion of the other. For instance, the hardcore Catholics believe that sex is only for procreation, so if you’re not popping babies out then you shouldn’t be doing it. Others, namely pretty much everyone who is agnostic/atheist or not practicing a faith (the general public), believe it’s for fun and, sure, sometimes a baby happens.

Curiously, most do not ignore the oneness and closeness that sex brings to a couple, this seems to be a generally accepted truth, regardless of culture.

God did not create sex so it was something we could see as gross or horrible unless we’re trying to get pregnant; nor did God create it to be had outside of marriage for fun or recreation.

Here are a couple of passages that show God’s intent for sex as procreation:

Genesis 1:28 –

“And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

Genesis 4:1 –

“Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, saying, “I have gotten a man with the help of the Lord.””

And there is scriptural evidence for sex being for pleasure and for oneness:

Proverbs 5:18-19 –

“Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.”

1 Corinthians 7:5 –

“Do not deprive one another [of sex], except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

Genesis 2:24 –

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Song of Solomon 1 – well, pretty much the book’s entirety.

So we can see that God had a few purposes in mind when he designed sex.

Don’t fall into the trap that a lot of Christian churches have fallen into, where the women believe sex is just for the men, a gross thing that they have to just endure for their men. This is just so wrong! It is not gross, it is not something to endure; hey, if you’re husband’s doing it right then it’s something to most definitely be enjoyed. Beyond this, if you don’t think you’re allowed to enjoy it you won’t be inclined to do it, which is in direct contradiction to 1 Corinthians 7:5.

Also, don’t be suckered into thinking that it’s only for procreation. If that was the case then all of the scriptures I quoted for evidence of sex being for pleasure and oneness would be followed with “if you can afford a lot of kids”. Have sex to make babies, I couldn’t recommend that more, but don’t think you have to do it loads for oneness but can’t take precautions against pregnancy if you just can’t afford one more baby.

On the subject of contraception

Ah, this is such a minefield.

I’m not going to go into this in a lot of detail, otherwise this post will be hideously long.

My rule is (and if you want to know why pick up a copy of God, Marriage, and Family by Andreas J. Kostenberger) that if it isn’t abortative in nature, then it’s okay.

What I mean by that is this – if at no point does the male sperm actually interact with the female egg, causing conception (the fertilization of the egg and the attaching of the fertilized egg to the endometrial lining) then it’s considered contraceptive in nature, which is fine.

Just to be clear, if the sperm is able to fertilize the egg, which is known as conception, then it’s out. If the method used does not allow this interaction between swimmer and egg, it’s okay. So this means condoms, the rhythm/calendar method and diaphragms are, to my mind, fine. Things like abortion, IUD and the pill (both types, regular dose or ‘morning after’) are out. Here are my reasons:

Most contraceptive pills these days are designed to work in 3 ways – to stop ovulation (which is a contraceptive method), to make the cervix harder for the sperm to enter (contraceptive) and the third is to make the endometrium incapable of supporting the life of a newly conceived child. The last of these three is abortative in nature, as it makes it impossible for an already fertilized egg (therefore beyond the point of conception) to survive. So, despite the first two measures being safe and sound due to their being contraceptive in nature, the back-up to those is abortative and is therefore not acceptable.

There, I hope you learned something new today!

On the subject of sex outside of marriage

Everybody knows why sex outside of marriage is bad, but 90% of the time no one can tell you why. I’ll do my best to give some reasons now.

Let’s start with the Bible.

1 Corinthians 7:2 –

“But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.”

1 Thessalonians 4:3 –

“God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin.”

Hebrews 13:4 –

“Give honour to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.”

These were the best I could find among the clearest I found.

Sex outside of marriage is considered sexual immorality, along with all other sexual acts outside of heterosexual marriage. God calls us away from this immorality, and calls us to marry, so we can enjoy the gift of sex within marriage.

Furthermore, sex before marriage, statistically speaking, lowers your chances of having a successful marriage.

Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? Culture will always tell you that you need to practice something before you do it for real, or you need to test-drive it before you buy it, but this just isn’t the case. For a start, sex really isn’t something you need practice at before you do it with your wife, especially if it’s her first time too. It’s pretty straight-forward as to what goes where, and if it’s your first time then you’re going to enjoy it because there’s no comparison to be made. Win-win, right?

In addition to this, research has shown that having had multiple sexual partners before marriage can actually have a detrimental effect on sex within marriage.[1]

Does that sound right? Probably not, but think about it.

The more sexual partners you have the more sex you’ve had (theoretically), therefore the more past-experience you have to compare it to. So say you marry a Christian gal who’s never ‘rocked the Kasbah’ before and she doesn’t know that one thing you love, or she’s not as free as the other ‘loose’ girls you’ve been with before, so it’s a little disappointing; isn’t that going to breed discontent? Won’t that cause upset because you’re not getting it as good as before? Will that maybe lead to looking for it elsewhere?

I’ll move on.

Pre-marital sex has been shown to detrimentally affect sexual quality, relationship communication, relationship satisfaction and perceived stability.[2]

Basically put, people who wait until they’re married to have sex are happier than those who don’t, and their relationships last longer.[3]

Finally, the Bible clearly states that one of the purposes of sex is for oneness.[4]

On the subject of oneness

So what, exactly, does it mean to say that sex is for oneness?

I’ll start by bringing it back round to Genesis.

Genesis 2:24 –

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Here’s what we’re looking at – “and they shall become one flesh”. Okay?

What is basically being said here is that man and wife become one, one flesh, one person.

The best illustration of how this kind of works came when I was talking to my uncle and best friend, Chris[5], about something personal. It was an update of what had happened since we last spoke on the subject and he said he had asked his wife what she thought of the whole thing. I was mortified. I hadn’t sanctioned him to tell his wife, this was personal! He reminded me that he and his wife were one, so if I told him something it was the exact same as telling her something, they may as well always be together because they’re the same person.

Another illustration of this is the Trinity. God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit are all one, though separate persons.

So, if sex creates oneness, where two people become one, doesn’t it seem seriously important who you do it with?

Paul addresses this in his letter to the Corinthians.

1 Corinthians 6:15-16 –

“Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.””

What Paul’s saying is that don’t join yourself to someone sexually if you don’t intend to stay with them. When you have sex with someone they take a little piece of you. Not in a weird mystical force kind of way, but in that moment you become one with them and when that’s over that bond doesn’t just separate.

Why do you think rapes are the least reported crimes?

Why do you think sexual abuse is the hardest to work through and most damaging form of abuse?

Why do you think rape victims require such intense therapy (often, not always)?

Because sex isn’t just physical. When you have sex with someone you join yourself with them.

If that’s not warning enough to you then you’re on the wrong team.

There’s also the fact that this bond is stronger in the gals than the guys, it’s hormonal. Repeated sex with someone creates a hormonal dependence for women, meaning that when that dependence is broken, let’s say the relationship breaks up, then that hits the gals way harder than it hits the guys.

That’s worth remembering the next time you fancy sleeping with your girlfriend.

On the subject of practicality

To finish, I’m going to go through a couple of practical ways in which to avoid going too far.

Let’s start with the best place to start, the Bible.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 –

“God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin.Then each of you will control his own body– and live in holiness and honour –not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. Never harm or cheat a Christian brother in this matter by violating his wife, - for the Lord avenges all such sins, as we have solemnly warned you before. God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives. Therefore, anyone who refuses to live by these rules is not disobeying human teaching but is rejecting God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.”

Let’s review the basic points here:

Holiness
Honour
Self-control
Purity
Obeying God

That’s what we’re called to in our relationships.

So, let’s have a brief look at a scenario where this can be applied.

You can’t keep your hands out from your girlfriend’s shirt, maybe even her pants. Does this show holiness? Nope. Honour? Nope. Self-control? Not if you were trying not to keep your hands to yourself, which I would recommend. Purity? Nope. Obeying God? Probably not, let’s be fair.

So practically, what can you do to encourage these 5 principles extolled by Paul?

To encourage holiness, try reading your Bible with your girlfriend instead of ramming your hand up her shirt. If temptation arises, get out your Bible and read something cool, get some conversation going.

To encourage honour, it’s just as simple as trying to find ways to limit the temptation. Where are the places/when are the times you are most likely to be tempted? Work to minimise those risky times or places.

Self-control can be developed over time, through continual attempts to seek out God and work past temptation. Read your Bible, read books on subjects like sex (Christian books), and above all just work on controlling yourself, minimising the risk of temptation.

Obeying God is fairly obvious; read your Bible and learn what it says (I hope this post has been helpful for that). This will bring about purity, as this is developed over time and keeping your hands to yourself.

So, practical principles –

Minimise risk of temptation by locating the times and places you are most often tempted, and remove these risks.

Keep reading your Bible and pursuing God, finding out what his call on your life is and how he wants you to behave in your relationship.

Read your Bible with your girl/boyfriend, check out together the Biblical callings on relationships.

Some people may be reading this, thinking “it’s all good and well him telling me this, but what does he know anyway? It’s hard to not have sex!”

I have to say, I know just as well as anyone how hard it is to keep yourself to yourself, so to speak. Sam and I struggle with these issues a lot. We get frustrated, we get anxious, and we get fed up, but we love one another and we love God so we keep striving toward a holy relationship. There have been times where things have gone farther than we’d like (not too far though, don’t worry) but we learn from those mistakes and work in earnest to ensure we don’t have a repeat of them.

I know this is hard, I know how difficult it is, but please hang in there.

A few more practical tips, before I wrap this up:

Get some friends

Here’s a great idea for you – if you’re going through a phase of being incapable of keeping your hands off one another then spend time with friends. If friends are there then you won’t be tempted to ‘get rambunctious’ because, let’s face it, PDoAs[6] are most often like a fart in an elevator – pretty unwelcome.

Buddy-up

Think admitting to a future girlfriend or boyfriend[7] is awkward? Try admitting it to a buddy who has the job of praying through those sexual problems with you.

These dudes/lifelines are called Accountability Partners, and they’re a great invention. The idea is that you get in touch fairly regularly and basically ask for prayer for any problems you’re having, and also tell one another what you’ve been up to behind closed doors. All of it.

It’s a great sort of safety net, so I’d recommend buddying-up.

Is this for marriage?

Most people have an idea what marriage is, and what the special parts of it are. For some it’s waking up together in the mornings, getting to cuddle in bed before you fall asleep, being comfortable with one another in the nude and just generally the closeness[8]; for others it’s sex, being able to belch in front of the other without embarrassment, being able to see the other naked and being able to talk to them whilst on the toilet.[9]

But all of these things are for marriage, both lists of special marriage things are right. Problems arise when you try to transition this stuff into your dating relationship.

Don’t be getting naked in front of one another, don’t sleep in the same bed as one another even if you’re not having sex[10], etc. This stuff is for marriage and letting it bleed into your dating relationship is not only taking the special parts of marriage out of marriage (making it less special as a whole), but it also builds a heavy temptation to go further.

On a side note – any dude who’s belching or farting with total abandon in front of their girl needs a slap. Any dude who talks to her whilst he’s on the bog also needs an equally large slap, though in an emergency (such as bog roll shortage) this can be permissible.

I hope this has all helped. I hope I’ve been clear enough and answered enough questions satisfactorily; though it feels like I may not have.

I pray that God helps to enrich the lives of the readers, and that everyone feels God’s call on their relationships. I pray this helps people understand the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, and that people feel built-up to continue their relationships with Jesus as the centre.

[1] There is research for this; here are two links - click and click.

[2] The research for this point is here.

[3] Further research can be found here.

[4] As stated, see further up in this post.

[5] Some of you may remember the guest post he did here. For those who don’t, check it out here.

[6] Public Display of Affection

[7] You never know, who you’re with and doing it with now may not be the person you’re with forever.

[8] This is primarily the women.

[9] The blokes… Okay, probably a bit harsh.

[10] Fair play to you if you can sleep in a bed together and not get really tempted, but still don’t do it.

Dating: Part IV - Love Is...

2011-06-12T08:15:00.000-07:00

So here we are again in the dating series. Welcome to part 4, where I’ll be taking a slightly different form for the post – instead of coming up with points and ideas I want to get across, grabbing bits of scripture to back it up, I’ll be landing on one part of scripture and camping there.

Today we discuss what love is, how we show it and how it applies to us dating.

I’ll start by sharing the scripture we’ll be working from.

It’s the most popular reading at weddings and is straight out of the St. Paul playbook.

It is, of course, 1Corinthians 13:4-7 –

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proudor rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”

So let’s get to work.

Love is patient and kind

Stop!

We’ll camp here for a second.

Love is patient. How does that work? Well, I can say from personal experience that everyone reckons they know this one inside and out, but in reality it’s so difficult to live out.[1]

Last night I was reminded of this.

Sam and I spend a lot of time just talking about stuff, because I just love talking to her. I find it very easy to form thoughts and put my words together in order to convey a point as clearly as possible; Sam, however, does not. I’m often led down what I call a ‘conversational cul-de-sac’ by Sam, where she starts talking before she even knows what she’s trying to say, causing me to exhaust everything I could possibly say on the subject she’s chosen. Last night I got really frustrated with her as I had no idea what the hell she was trying to say and, instead of stopping her and asking what exactly she meant, I just got frustrated and snapped at her.

In this moment I wasn’t being very patient with her. I certainly wasn’t being very kind, either.

A lot of people see being patient as being able to wait for marriage before you ‘rock the casbah’, or they put up with them being in the bathroom forever, but it goes beyond that. It means listening to her when she’s talking about clothes (even though you’re not exactly fussed), it means loving her when she has a problem that you think is silly or that she’s blowing out of proportion, it means letting him build that piece of furniture the way he wants it to be done and not pointing out his ineptitude, it means going shopping with her and carrying her bags even though you’re missing the football, it means letting him have his time alone so he comes back to you restored and ready to love you.

Patience should soak into every interaction we have with the person we are dating, or are married to. I know it’s hard to do, but no matter what our default mode should be patient and kind.

Another example, since you asked:

I have a little memo block on my desk. Now, I’m really OCD about my desk being tidy and having no clutter on it, and things like loose pieces of paper or whatever just irritates me. Last night Sam wrote a lovely little note on a memo I had already written, and drew a load of hearts and stars on there; it was super cute. When I saw it though I instantly went “oh crap, my desk looks all cluttered!” and completely ignored the lovely message Sam had written, opting instead to say “don’t clutter my desk please, gorgeous” and to throw the note in the bin.

Later that same night I was praying and it suddenly dawned on me how my impatience had caused me to miss something really special. I had allowed my need for order and no clutter to rule my heart, to the point where I missed a really loving thing my girlfriend did for me. I text her straight away to apologise, hooked out the note, and as I sit and write this the note is sat next me on the desk.

On top of all this, being patient means you don’t pressure your date. You never push them into anything, because if you do then you’re not really loving them.

Ladies, if he is pushing you to sleep with him, he may seem like the greatest guy in the world and you may think you love him like no one’s ever loved before, but he doesn’t feel the same way. He is not loving you, he’s just using you.

Now, patient and kind go pretty much hand-in-hand. A good way to translate this is into “Love is considerate”.

I’ll speak to the ladies for a second here.

Ladies, 95% of the time your man has no idea what the hell you are talking about. I don’t know if this is a shock to you[2] but it’s the truth. It gets better over time, but only partially. So at the beginning of a relationship make sure you understand that the guy you’re with is probably simply smiling and nodding, being considerate and listening to something he has no clue about.

Ever seen a man pick up a woman’s magazine? Good Lord, the look on their face says it all. Ladies, get your boyfriend to read one of your magazines or novels and just see what his reaction is.[3]

But the point I’m making is this – girls, your boyfriend or husband probably has no clue what you’re saying some/most of the time, so occasionally just stop and ask “am I going too fast?”

I’ll tell you why this works – women have a different mode of conversation to men. Women will talk until they’re done whilst the other listens. When they’re done it becomes the other’s turn to talk, and so on. Men, however, will just talk when they have something to say, and will chip in with advice whenever.[4]

If you run off a stream of consciousness to him and don’t stop to let him say something from time to time he’ll get lost, so sometimes just ask him “know what I mean?” or “want me to slow down? I’m talking a lot!”

I guarantee this will make him love you even more. That’s being what Paul is asking for in the passage we’ve looked at, be patient, kind, considerate.

Love is not jealous or boastful or proudor rude

There’s a lot in this one so hang in there. I won’t break down each topic, I’ll bunch them all together.

Love is not jealous, or love does not envy. Let me explain this one. Did you have parents who had one of those marriages, where if one is unhappy the other can’t be happy? Where if one had something great the other had to get something greater? That one was always a little jealous of the other’s success, possessions, abilities etc?

That’s what Paul’s talking about here.

When you’re in a relationship and someone else does something awesome, or has something awesome, you don’t need to try and best them.

Men, I’ll talk to you on this one for a second.

If you’re with your girlfriend and she tells a story about something, you do not have to tell a better story.

I’m a git for this, I really am. I have to try so hard to just keep a lid on it.

So let’s unpack this practically.

Guys, let’s say your girlfriend has just been talking about how she won the tennis challenge on her Churches ladies group social meet, where none of them can really play, they just went for a giggle. At the end of the story you do not tell her how you used to play pro circuit as a kid but had to give it up because you were too awesome.

You just go “wow, really? That’s amazing, you’re so awesome.”

You don’t start “well, I used to hit 150mph serves…”, just shut up and let her have her glory.

This example pretty much encompasses all of the aspects, so I’ll give one more example.

Your boyfriend (obviously talking to the ladies now) has just started a new hobby – cartooning. He shows you his latest creation and it’s good, but it’s not incredible. You just say “that’s really nice, good job!” and you don’t tell him your uncle works for the design team at Disney and wipes his nose with stuff like this.

So when someone starts talking about something, what do we do?

We listen and let them have their glory. This, for me, means when Sam is talking about Law or shopping I don’t try to talk over her or talk about how awesome I am at something else, I shut up and listen, because I’m not jealous of her success and brilliance. I just shut up and listen, because I don’t need to boast and steal her glory. I just shut up and listen, because I don’t need to be rude about her in order to make myself look good.

Get into this habit now, I can’t stress this enough. Get used to hearing what they have to say and simply saying “wow, good job!”

It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.

I have to say, this one is definitely more a man problem than a woman problem.

I don’t mean to be sexist, that’s just my view on it, from what I’ve seen and witnessed.

I know that most men like to do things their way, and there’s good reason for this.

Ever seen a woman try to put up shelves? Or organise a schedule and budget?

Women just, typically, seem to struggle with this sort of thing, so men naturally take charge.

This is where this ties in a little bit with the previous point of pride.

Guys, when your girlfriend or wife tries to have input on a plan you’re making, or something you’re doing, don’t get proud and assume you know better – hear her out and take into account what she’s saying. She’s doing her job by being your helper, appreciate that as the loving gesture it is and move on from there.

To flip this around, Genesis tells us that part of the woman’s curse is that she would seek to control the man[5] so ladies, don’t let this get the better of you and become rude, or irritable, when you see him doing something wrong.

You all know these couples. The man starts something, the woman gets fed up of seeing him trying it his way and, instead of asking him lovingly if he needs help or graciously suggesting an alternative, she calls him a name and tries to take over.

I’ll tell you that this is not the way to go about anything as it will just make the man feel emasculated and disrespected, which will cause him to struggle to see you as anything but a shrew.

You see, wives and girlfriend can be glorious, or they can be painful. One of these is a crown, the other is decay. Which woman yours will be is all down to how you love them, men. If they feel valued (see previous point, you listen to them) then they will feel like they can offer suggestions. If you ignore them or talk over them you make them feel like they have to control you or be bullish in their attempts to help or influence.

The Bible says a lot on this type of woman. Men, as you read these passages meditate on the fact that how you love your wife or girlfriend is how you decide what type of woman they will be – crown or decay.

Proverbs 19:13 –

“A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping.”

Proverbs 21:9 –

“It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic

than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home.”

Proverbs 21:19 –

“It’s better to live alone in the desert

than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife.”

As a final point on this part (Corinthians, not Proverbs I just quoted) of the scripture, it says love keeps no record of being wronged.

This means you don’t have a point system.

I know some jokers who feel they have to get one up on their girlfriends and wives all the time. She goes out one night with the girls, so he goes out two nights with the boys. He sees a photo on Facebook of her dancing with her friends or (God forbid) another guy so he has to go out and sleep with someone. She accidentally makes him look foolish in front of friends, so he talks with malice inspired to disgrace her in front of her friends. Payback, baby!

That’s not how it works, you tool!

The worst I’ve ever seen is a guy found out about his girlfriend’s past, which apparently involved more sexual activity than him, so he got jealous, acted like a child and went out and cheated on her, as if he needed to catch up.

This guy’s a joke, and he’s a loser. He’s not loving his girlfriend, he’s pathetic.

Instead of making a new heading for the next point I’ll continue on as it sort of bleeds through, so to speak –

“It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.”

This basically means this:

You know when you’re with your girlfriend and you say something that she doesn’t hear right and gets angry with you? You then get annoyed that she’s got annoyed at you[6] and you let her think you said what she thinks you said; let her stew, she needs to apologise. You know that?

Yeah, guys, you’re an idiot if you do this.

What this part of scripture is saying is not to let any misunderstanding or injustice stand, be sure to set the record straight on everything. I have to do this with Sam quite a bit, and it’s hard! I know it’s hard, I have a lot of pride (unfortunately) and I find it annoying if Sam gets upset with me, but ultimately she’s more important than my stupid pride, so I make sure I explain properly and apologise for upsetting her.

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance

Know what this means? It means no matter what happens, no matter what issues you face, no matter what problems come your way, no matter what season of life you lurch into, no matter how tough things get you hang on in there.

Men, in the same way as Jesus loved us so much he went to the Cross for us, so he could save us and endure our sins whilst enduring the most physically painful torture humanity had thought up by this time, you too should endure anything that comes your way because you love your girl so damn much.

Women, in the same way that you follow Jesus because of the pain he endured for you, in the same way as you give your lives to Jesus because you know he does the right thing for you out of his total and undying love, it’s the same way you are to hang in there no matter what with your man, because you love him so much.

Am I saying there’s absolutely no basis for divorce? No. Obviously God doesn’t want women to stay in abusive relationships because of some misguided feelings they think are feelings of love.

Am I saying that every Christian guy should carry on dating a Christian girl even though he knows God doesn’t want him to be with her? No.

What I’m saying is that, within a good Christian relationship, there’s nothing you, your wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend can’t move through with God’s help.

In a less grandiose scale, this also means that you’re not to just get fed up with something. For instance, some women just have intimacy issues because of a history of abuse. They will need continual reassurance from their boyfriend/husband that they are beautiful, that they are sacred and special, that they have been washed clean by Jesus’ blood, and that you still love them no matter what has happened.

Guys, they may need to hear that every day. They may need to hear that 5,000 times a week. They may never stop needing to hear that.

If you love them like Paul calls us to, if you really love them, you’ll never say “I give up, I’ve been through this with you too many times now” and throw in the towel.

You’re a man of God, you’re following Jesus’ example, you don’t get to quit.

Okay, that’s enough now I feel.

Father God, I pray that this has helped elaborate on what you view love as. I pray I have done justice to your word and helped to explain it to the few who will read this post. I pray those few turn in to many as the message of how we should do dating spreads, and I pray for your grace and love on all the Christians out there who are going about their lives, trying to date as you call them to. I thank you for your word, Lord, and I thank you for helping me interpret it in a way some maybe don’t.

[1] I was one of the many who think “hell yeah, I’m, like, Mr Patient, baby!”

[2] God knows it shouldn’t be.

[3] If it isn’t bewilderment or a variation thereof I’d worry a little bit…

[4] This may be a little out. It’s from the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and it’s been years since I last read it.

[5] We dealt with this in Part 1. See Genesis 3:16-19.

[6] Because how dare she, right?

Dating: Part III - The Ladies

2011-06-05T05:34:00.000-07:00

Ok ladies, you patiently read through the previous post, directed to the guys, so now it’s your turn. You’ll find this post will take the same sort of structure and hit some of the same points as in the men’s post, but it will be from a different angle (i.e. hopefully yours). The tone will be different, the language and the examples will be different; not because I favour one sex over the other, I just know that speaking to women as should be done with guys gets you nowhere, plus I have practical experience of being a guy, I do not have any of being a woman. Obviously.

Once again I’m going to start the post with a quick preface.

My preface is this – I am not a woman, that’s pretty obvious. I do not have experience of being a woman, I do not have some Mel Gibson-esque power to read women’s minds[1], I just know what the Bible says, what Jesus taught and what I have learnt from other’s marriages and my relationship with Sam.

Because of this I do not believe I am the authoritative voice on how women think and feel[2], I simply offer insights where I have learnt them, so don’t flame me if you disagree on points.

That being said, let’s get right into it, shall we?

Femininity

Hardest word to bang out on a keyboard ever, I just got lost in ‘I’s and ‘N’s. It’s even harder to get your mouth around, frankly, but it’s where I’ll start my over-arching theme, much like I did with masculinity for the guys.

Let me begin by explaining a couple of things.

In this culture we, as in the general un-educated[3] public, consider the Bible’s teachings on men and woman to be hideously chauvinistic and cruel to women. This could not be further from the truth. This idea comes from misinterpretation of God’s word and from people in positions of authority[4] who have taught badly on this subject. Throughout history we have seen the Bible’s teaching on headship and leadership being abused to view women as second-class citizens.

This is not, in any way, the case.

Unfortunately this abuse of God’s word has caused two popular responses in women – Feminism and what I call ‘White-flaggers’.[5]

Let’s go through some examples.

“You can’t tell me what to do just because you’re a man” – The angry feminist. These women are passive-aggressive towards any man that has authority over them, even their boss at work, or male policemen. They just see injustice everywhere, because they’ve been taught men are always trying to impress their wills on women. Every man is the enemy.
“We need to make sure men aren’t in positions of authority, they can’t be trusted to make decisions like women can” – The aggressive feminist. These women don’t just dislike men in authority, they hate it. If their boss at a job would be a man they wouldn’t even work. The thought of dating a man is repulsive, so they sleep with women instead. They relegate men to position of occasional use, and would enslave them if they could. Thankfully this woman is a rare sight.[6]
“I let my boyfriend think he’s right as long as I get what I want” – The controlling woman. This woman is happy to date a man as long as she gets what she wants, which these days is usually sex or money, or both. They abuse the men in their lives for their own purposes, never once affording them the same trust or care they are shown.
“My boyfriend gets whatever he wants because he’s the man” – The classic white-flagger. This woman has given up on the idea of equality and allows herself to be like a toy for the man, even sinking to letting him abuse her in the unfortunate belief that it’s just how things work. These women are like chew toys for a dog.
“No, honey, I don’t have an opinion” – Another white-flagger. This woman has given up on even forming opinions on things because she’s under the impression she’s not allowed. She’s had the wrong teaching that the man makes every decision without her input, because her opinion’s not worth as much as his.
“You mean it’s not okay for him to come home and ignore me and the kids?” – White-flagger again, she’s been relegated to the mistaken identity of ‘sole care-provider’, thinking her husband doesn’t help with the kids because it’s woman’s work.

So that’s the different women, or as many examples I could think of for each of the two types.

I’ll give counter-arguments so you can see their viewpoints for the wrongs that they really are.

The feminists tend to view 1Peter 3:1 and Genesis 2:18[7] as chauvinistic, relegating women to second-class citizen status. The white-flaggers see the same passages as reasons to be weak and allow men to dominate them unlovingly. These views could not be further from the truth. When feminists and white-flaggers take these passages they take them completely out of context.

Let’s have a look at them in context.

Genesis 2:21-24 –

“So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said,

“This at last is bone of my bones

and flesh of my flesh;

she shall be called Woman,

because she was taken out of Man.”

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Let me stop here and break this down.

It begins with it not being good for the man to be alone in verse 8, implying that the wife is brought in to supplement and help him (characterised by the word “helper”) because he’s not good on his own.[8]

It then goes on to make the woman from the man. Part of the man is now part of the woman. What an honour! God forms them from one another to show their equal worth in his eyes. Adam then echoes this in the words that follow, which is actually a love song in the Hebrew, I believe.

It continues to round it all up by saying that man and woman, in marriage, become what? Become one flesh. You, as you are, are currently one flesh, and you’re super nice to yourself, right? Well, since a man’s wife is his own flesh you would imagine he would want to keep her safe and happy, in the same way he would for himself because, if they truly are one flesh, he’s doing himself a favour.

Feminists/White-flaggers also tend to overlook Genesis earlier on in the Bible.

Genesis 1:27 –

“So God created man in his own image,

in the image of God he created him;

male and female he created them.”

God created us in his image, esteeming us above other animals and creatures, because we have been honoured to carry God’s own image in this life.

Notice it says he created both man and woman in his image…

Pretty equal, right?

As for the part from 1Peter, here’s what it says later in the book.

1Peter 3:7 –

“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honour to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

Let’s unpack this.

It clearly states, to start, that men are to be understanding and to honour their wives, protecting them as they can not protect themselves as well as men. Straight away we see men tasked with looking after, not abusing, women. At this point people who have a streak of the feminist in them will say “that’s inferring we aren’t capable of looking after ourselves! That’s so chauvinistic!” and to those women I would say this – if you were in a fight with a man I would give you far less chance of winning than I would another guy. It’s that simple. That’s why this characterises the affection and responsibility a man has for his wife, he has to constantly look after her and protect her; if something goes wrong and she gets hurt, whether it’s his fault or not, it’s his responsibility. This fits appropriately for Sam and I. She won’t mind me saying that she’s clumsy, and she’s a crier. She cries quite easily, and she hurts herself quite a bit due to clumsiness, both of which I find cute but that’s beside the point. None of the issues that she comes across that upset her are my fault, but they’re my responsibility. If I couldn’t prevent it happening it’s my responsibility to make sure I help her through it as best I can. We’re not even married yet, so think about how much more responsibility I will have when we are. That’s the role of the man.

Also, the passage refers to women as heirs to the grace of life. They are heirs, as equal heirs as men. Equality is coming out of my ears right now; how people can misconstrue that is totally beyond me.

Finally, it says that the punishment for a man who does not honour, love and protect his wife is what? God might not even listen to his prayers! If there’s a bigger reason for men to love their wives I’ve never heard it. God basically says “if you hurt or abuse my daughter I’m not going to answer your prayers to help you do it better; you’re on your own now, buddy.”

That, for me as a guy, is a terrifying thought. To think that my prayers may be hindered due to my lack of attentiveness to my wife is… It doesn’t bear thinking about, it’s just frightening.

So those are the passages in their context, and I hope you can see that they are not in any way condoning men to be commanding, dominating, harsh or abusive to their wives, or to segregate women to second-class status.

So from all of this we see that women are not to be viewed as anything short of strong individuals who have distinct and valuable roles in the family of God. One great example of a strong woman serving God is Ruth. One of only two women to have a book of the Bible named after her, Ruth is a strong individual who has incredible faith in the Lord. She is brave enough to leave her people, the Moabites, to go with Naomi (her mother-in-law) to Judah. She then works faithfully for Boaz in his field, and God honours her humility and bravery by having Boaz marry her.[9] I would recommend reading the book of Ruth, analysing the character of Ruth and the way God shows his faith and love through her and Boaz.[10]

Also I would recommend reading Proverbs 31, which is generally acknowledged as the epitome of a Godly wife. The woman in this chapter is a strong individual, who honours her husband and supplements and helps him in many ways. This woman is not the stereotypical white-flagger the world sees many Christian women as –

Proverbs 31:16-18 –

“She goes to inspect a field and buys it;

with her earnings she plants a vineyard.

She is energetic and strong,

a hard worker.

She makes sure her dealings are profitable;

her lamp burns late into the night.”

Proverbs 31:25-27 –

“She is clothed with strength and dignity,

and she laughs without fear of the future.

When she speaks, her words are wise,

and she gives instructions with kindness.

She carefully watches everything in her household

and suffers nothing from laziness.”

Does this sound like a woman who has given up her strength, opinions and individuality to you? It sure doesn’t to me.

So ladies, turn to your Bible and read about these strong women that the Lord has blessed.

So how does this affect my dating?

Ah my readers are so insightful, another good question.

This all affects your dating by ensuring you have a strong relationship with the Lord before you try to have relationship with a guy. I know that emotions during a relationship can run on hyper-speed, especially when it’s new and exciting, so to have a strong faith in the Lord is a way of ensuring that your emotions do not over-ride your decision-making abilities.

A strong faith in God will also help you to see that being married or having a boyfriend is not the be-all and end-all. I know a lot of Christian girls who have almost used God as a way to get a boyfriend; they do the whole ‘good Christian girl’ thing as long as they’re single, but as soon as a boy comes along they ditch God and do their own thing, sleeping with him and just generally hurting themselves and resigning themselves to a less than righteous time with whatever loser they’re dating. See, this is all because they never had Jesus as their number one priority, their ultimate goal was not to be a good Christian and live for Jesus, it was to get a boyfriend and they tried to use God to get what they wanted.

So to that end I’m going to go through a couple of principles to keep in mind whilst dating.

Your present is not always your present

A lot of people date and have a ‘good time’, sleeping around, doing pretty much whatever they fancy with whoever they fancy. Though this seems like a great time while you’re doing it, it’s ultimately not going to help you; it’ll come back and bite you on the ass one day.

Remember, your present will one day be your past, and that will affect your future.

I can testify to this.

I was somewhat of a rebel teenager, and I made a lot of mistakes. Now that I work with kids I get asked a lot of questions about what I was like at school, and what my teenage years were like, because I’ve been there and they’re interested. I now find it incredibly difficult to answer any of their questions. On the one hand I don’t want to lie to them, but on the other I don’t want to admit to being a little idiot, or to glamorise idiocy at school or whatever. My past, which was fun at the time, is now biting me in the ass.

The best example I can give of this principle is this – imagine you meet the guy of your dreams. You’re at a party and you see this dude who’s ridiculously handsome, witty, charming, fun and a Christian. You’re currently a gal who’s fallen from the path God has set for her and is sleeping around, having a ‘good time’.

You know this guy is the man of your dreams, and you get that “I have to have him, he’s ‘the one’” moment.

Imagine you ask your friends what they think of him, and they’re sweet, gospel-loving gals who aren’t sleeping around or whatever, and they say “yeah, he’s amazing; but a guy like that isn’t looking for a girl like you”.

That would hurt, right?

Now imagine you meet the same guy, same place, only this time you’re not currently sleeping around, though you have done in the past. You guys meet, hit it off, date for a while then start a relationship properly. You’re in love and you feel like God is calling you to marry this dude.

Imagine the look on his face when he tells you he’s waited for marriage, and you have to tell him you haven’t done the same thing. That he’s not the first, he’s just another in a long list.

I don’t say this to upset anyone who has slept with someone before now, God loves you, Jesus has forgiven you and any man worth his salt will forgive you too, without hesitation. Any real man won’t let it be a problem, and will love you even more to help you through any feelings of guilt you may have. I simply say this to make the point that what you do now has serious implications in the future, so don’t see your present as ‘girls just wanna have fun’, because sometimes that fun isn’t good for your life and your legacy.

To reiterate, I say this out of love for you, and from a desire to see Godly women pursued and loved by Godly guys, without any unnecessary issues.

As I touched upon in part 1[11], you need to guard your heart. Pick wisely who you spend time with, what you spend your time doing, how you view things and what you do in your relationships. Remember, as Christians God calls us to a higher standard than the rest of the world and culture.

Proverbs 4:23 –

“Guard your heart above all else,

for it determines the course of your life.”

Pick wisely

I’m going to personally call you to a very selective screening process when it comes to choosing who to date, ladies.

I’m going to give you a checklist to run through when deciding whether or not a man is worthy of dating you or not.

Do you want to help him? Genesis 2:8, as we’ve covered, says that the woman is to be the helper. On top of this 1Corinthians 11:9 says the woman was made for the man[12] so you need to know if you’re going to be able to, or even if you’re going to want to, help this guy. Make sure he knows what he wants from the relationship (if his answer isn’t marriage you have my permission to tell him to get back on his trike) and what he wants out of marriage. For instance, if he wants to become a rock star and travel the world and you want a million kids with a Dad who is around for them, you’re not going to want to help this guy. If the two of you share the same life goals then you can, and should, be his helper to achieve these shared goals together, as one flesh, in marriage. Don’t date someone whose end goal isn’t the same as yours.
Is he tough enough to remain tough in tough times? I asked Sam last night if she thought I was tough enough to stay strong for her no matter what. If her answer had been anything other than the emphatic ‘yes’ I got, I would have had some serious changes to make. As discussed in part 2[13], the man is responsible for everything that goes on in his house and with his family. If things start getting really hairy is he strong enough to remain strong and bear the load? If you don’t think he could handle your lives together as a strong man then don’t date him, he needs to grow up some more before he’s ready.
Is his character that of a good Daddy and Role Model? Men are called to be great Dads, Ephesians 6:4 sets this out very clearly – “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.” So ask yourself this – “will he be a good Daddy?” Another way to look at this question is “do I want my sons to grow up like him?” because they probably will, and “do I want my daughters to date someone like him?” because you should.
Is he considerate and gentle with you? As we’ve already discussed, 1Peter 3:7 says he should be understanding and show you honour. If he doesn’t do these things when you’re dating, a time when he is on his best behaviour, he’s unlikely to be that way in marriage. Make sure he’s always considerate with you, and he’s always gentle. If he isn’t then you can move right along, no one will blame you.
Is he a one-woman man? 1Timothy 3:2 describes the necessary requirements for men if they want to be elders in church. I find it important to note that only the best men can be elders, according to this book, so every man should strive to the principles set down here. One of them is “He must be faithful to his wife.” So check and make sure he isn’t watching porn, or dating more people than just you. His entire dating and marriage experience should be a constant pursuit of you; if he’s looking at porn or cheating he won’t be pursuing you.[14] I’ve known gals whose boyfriend watches porn as, because she’s not sleeping with him as she shouldn’t, he says he needs a release, so he watches porn. I know some girls who have been in this situation and will sit and watch porn with this idiot! Like it’s her duty to ensure he’s being taken care of in this aspect… It’s just weird. Seriously, if your boyfriend is a Christian and is watching porn give him my e-mail and get him to contact me, because it’s unacceptable. DO NOT encourage or enable him to watch porn because you feel guilty that he’s struggling with sexual desires for you. Watching porn will only cause him to cheapen the way he sees you, and that will cause him to cease pursuing you. If you find out your boyfriend is watching porn you can go ahead and dump him, or report him to your church for the pastor to sort him out. The guy needs help.

So there’s a short checklist of some important points to keep in mind when selecting the guy you’re going to date.

Once again I ask you ladies to make sure the guys you consider are nothing short of any of these aspects; ask for the highest standard of man and make sure you get it.[15]

I think I’ll call it a day there, I know there’s a lot here to digest. Look out for part 4, coming in the near future.

Don’t forget - I’m looking to do a Q&A section at the end of the series, so please keep tweeting and e-mailing me your questions and I’ll endeavour to answer them. I’m even thinking about bringing Sam in on the post to answer questions from the ladies, so look out for that one.

Father God I pray that your daughters all take something valuable from this post. I pray for their hearts, that they are filled with your love and that they don’t seek to fill it with someone else’s in place of yours. I pray that the ladies who read this are convicted to call the men they date to the highest standard of living, in an encouragement to bring up the next generation of awesome Godly guys and gals.

Thank you Lord for your word, I pray that I haven’t misinterpreted it in any way in this post.

[1] Watch the movie ‘What Women Want’, Sam and I did not too long ago and it was a good little laugh.

[2] Frankly it bamboozles me as much as the next guy.

[3] Un-educated on this matter, not generally un-educated.

[4] Historically the organised Church as a whole, though it’s loads better now, and individuals throughout history.

[5] White-flaggers are women who have given up any hope of ever having any kind of dignity, equality or rights. They have given up.

[6] And they’re often quite a sight.

[7] “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands” and “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him’” respectively.

[8] Any woman and honest man will testify to this, guys are next to useless on their own.

[9] And he’s a damned good guy, as it says he is the “family redeemer” – Ruth 2:20

[10] Further proof of Ruth and Boaz’s blessing – the Lord Jesus Christ is a descendent of theirs.

[11] http://heartofcorinth.blogspot.com/2011/05/dating-part-1-basics.html

[12] “And man was not made for woman, but woman was made for man.” – NLT.

[13] http://heartofcorinth.blogspot.com/2011/06/dating-part-ii-men.html

[14] This is beyond the point that both of these things are sinful anyway.

[15] As pointed out in part 1 though make sure you’re not being too unrealistic.

Dating: Part II – The Men

2011-06-01T06:04:00.000-07:00

Well, here we go.

I’d like to preface this post by saying three things:-

Firstly, I have a heart for guys. There are few things better then seeing a Godly guy really working hard for Jesus and his family, his wife, or whatever. I also know that most male evangelicals are not masculine men who are easily respected. Because of this I have a real heart to encourage men to seek Jesus and seek to be more masculine. This is a big job so this will be a long post.

Secondly, this post is going to be written in a way that is suitable to guys and may, at times, offend or make uncomfortable those who are more, for lack of a better word, ‘delicate’ (such as women or younger readers).

Thirdly and finally, I’m not writing this because I know everything about being a Christian man in a Christian relationship, I don’t. I’m writing this because I want to share what I have learned and am striving to put in practice. I get things wrong too, so when I call guys foolish or a joke in this post, there’s every chance I could be included in that.

Anyway, on with it.

Masculinity

So many guys just get masculinity wrong. They either go way too far on one side, becoming total idiots who think being a man means farting, belching, spitting and fighting; or they go the other way and think it’s to be lovely all the time, never stand up for themselves and are just a joke.

The latter tends to be the problem with Christian guys these days.

I know from experience that walking into a church, or Christians conference, can be a harrowing experience. It’s usually wall-to-wall guys in lemon yellow cardigans or striped shirts and hideously over-sized stone-washed jeans. You walk in and just think “I bet none of these guys have ever watched UFC.”

Those men are hard to respect, right? Floating around like a fairy, crying whenever a kid in the youth group picks up their crayon to draw a flower.

It’s just sad, hardly anyone seems to have any balls anymore.

Anyway…

I’ll start by explaining what masculinity is and is not. Here are examples of what masculinity is not:

“Women cry and hug, so I don’t” – These guys don’t know what a man is, but it sure as hell isn’t a woman, so whatever women do he doesn’t.
“My girlfriend is so fit, look how good she makes me look” – This type of guy sees any woman he manages to snare as simply another thing to make him look good in front of others; his world revolves around his status and his possessions, his girlfriend or wife being one of these.
“My girl does what I say else she gets it” – This guy has a lot of anger and a short temper, because he mistakenly believes being a man means being an aggressive moron. He’s just harsh and keeps his girlfriend/wife ‘in check’ by making her terrified of him.
“I’m the boss, so do what I say” – Another example of a man who likes to control his wife or girlfriend, instead of loving and serving her by leading sacrificially. These guys just order their family around like a drill sergeant, making their wives miserable and their children hate them.
“What do you mean I’m never there? I work hard so you’re fed!” – This one’s more a marriage one than a dating one, but none-the-less it needs to be mentioned. These are the guys who work hard all day, go to the pub with their friends after work instead of coming home, and when they do walk through the front door they just sit in front of the TV and check out. They’re not involved in the lives of their family/wife because they’re afraid to be.
“I’ve not finished my under-grad degree yet, you go work and I’ll be the stay-at-home Dad” – No! Just no! Any man who wants this as their future has no place even considering a dating relationship, let alone marriage. They may be a total sweetheart but women have a mother-son love for this guy, not a husband-wife/boyfriend-girlfriend love.
“What do you mean no one respects me? Everyone comes to me for a good time!” – Yeah, they come to you for a good time but not a good legacy. You’re not respected, you’re a joke. Women tire of the guy who takes no responsibility and just always wants to have fun very, very quickly.

Okay? I know that list is fairly extensive and kicks quite a few guys in the crotch, but it’s necessary. So let’s look at what masculinity is…

Jesus

Pretty straight-forward, right?

If you want to know how to be a man just pick up your Bible and read about Jesus. Why?

A man must take responsibility for himself, which Jesus did by working hard at a job, essentially paying his own bills as we should as men.
A man should take responsibility for others in addition to himself. He does this by taking responsibility for his wife and children by paying the bills for them all, ensuring his wife/girlfriend is always happy and remedying any problems that are making her unhappy, paying for his girlfriend whenever possible (such as at the movies, out to dinner etc). Jesus showed us how high we should set the bar when he took responsibility for our sins, dying for them on the cross.
Jesus led both himself and others in their spiritual lives, leading them closer to God. It may not be as easy for us guys, since we’re not God like Jesus, but that’s what our role is in our relationships: we are to lead our girlfriends/wives/children in prayer and their Christian lives.
Jesus also gave the best example of how a husband should act. Many people argue he didn’t because, hey, he didn’t have a wife, right? Well, the Bible has this to say on the subject – “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.”[1] So I guess that means Christ did a bang-up job of showing us how to love our wives, regardless of whether or not he actually took a female, human wife. He died for his bride, the Church, and we should be willing to die for our brides.

So where does this leave us, in relation to the original examples of guys? Well, Jesus wept[2] so we too can weep.[3]

Jesus never took advantage of women, using them as ways to boost his image. In fact, Jesus actually taught and spoke to women that the culture at the time would have looked down on, showing them affection and grace.[4]

Jesus never intimidated women, nor did he speak harshly to them. One woman touches his robe and when Jesus asks who it was she fears his retribution. Jesus deals with this woman in a caring and gracious way.[5]

And so on, I think you get the point I’m making.

So how does this affect my dating?

A good question!

I’m done pointing out that as you are you’re not ready to date or marry, it would be too cruel to keep that thread going.

Instead I’ll go through a few things that are important to know for marriage, and how we can prepare for them when dating.

I might even give examples of how I personally have ballsed up certain things and have, by the grace of God, learnt from them (so maybe you won’t have to get it wrong yourselves).

The man is the head of the house

The man was made to be the leader of the household and the woman is to be his helper. This was set out in Genesis when Adam was made first and Eve was made as his…

His what?

You got it – his helper.

Let me break this down a little.

The man is the head, but that’s head with a little ‘h’. God is the Head, big ‘h’. The man is leading as long as he is following Jesus.

So, first practical point – men, if you ever want to lead your wife, lead your house, you have to be humble enough to put yourself under God’s authority, otherwise you will be a harsh and abusive dictator in your family. Get right with Jesus before you even start dating. Make sure your relationship with Jesus is strong and you’re following his lead, then try adding a relationship with a gorgeous Godly girl to it. Remember, God is always your number 1 priority.

I just want to point out that one of the biggest emotions a woman will experience when giving her life to a guy (that’s you ‘n’ me) is fear.

She will be terrified of committing to a man she will have to submit to[6], in case he doesn’t lead her well. When we lead we are to be sacrificial, meaning we make decisions based not necessarily on our own best interests and instead on that of our wives. We are to be loving, meaning we are to show affection to our wives, even if the choice we’ve made is for their benefit and maybe makes life a little tougher for you (like having to get a second job so she doesn’t have to work).

Going back to Adam and Eve, when Satan tempted Eve what did Adam do?

Nothing.

There’s 2 things to take from this. The first is that, as head of that marriage, it was Adam’s job to ensure Eve’s safety. That’ll be Adam dropping the ball then. This was a sin of omission, where Adam did not act when he should have.[7]

Second, although Adam didn’t physically do anything wrong, who does God call for afterwards?

Adam.

You see, in marriage it may not be your fault, guys, but it’s your responsibility. Think you can handle that? You’ll be on the sharp end of everything. Throw kids into that and once again you’re on the sharp end of any issues with them, as well as yourself, as well as your wife.

So remember guys, you may be nervous about committing to someone for your entire life, but she’ll be terrified.

How does this affect you in dating? Well, if women are naturally prone to fear because they don’t know if the guy will be a good leader, try being a good leader in your dating relationship. Make decisions based on her best interests routinely, continuously ensure she’s safe and you’re attending to her needs, pay for things so she knows you can handle money, be honouring of her in front of others. You get the idea. If she can see that you’re going to be a good husband who will look after her whilst you’re dating then she’ll be far less fearful when it comes time to get hitched.

Your wife is your standard of beauty

This means the person you find most beautiful in the world is your wife. If someone says “picture your perfect woman, picture the person you think looks perfect” you should immediately imagine your wife. The Bible says we are to be “captivated” by our wives and should steer clear of immoral women.[8]

So where am I going with this?

Porn.

Yeah, we knew I’d hit it eventually.

Porn is killing marriages, killing relationships, killing people. Porn is bad all the time, in every way and in every sense. Any Christian man caught watching porn should, in my opinion, have the biggest Bible to be found dropped on his head from a height of several feet. And I’m not necessarily talking about the one on the end of his neck.

You see, these days a lot of guys have their standard of beauty as something that isn’t their wife, which is only compounded by porn. In some cases porn is the sole reason for it.

Let me explain.

When guys watch porn they begin to see women as parts, as things, instead of a whole person. I know this from experience, and I’m sure you do too – I’ve sat and listened to countless conversations between friends of mine that went along these lines:

“(Insert porn star’s name here) has got amazing boobs, imagine those on (insert girlfriend’s name here).”

“Yeah, but what about (insert porn star’s name here)’s downstairs? Add that in for a start.”

That’s obviously the tidied up version, but you can clearly see that they’ve thought of these woman as parts, swapping and changing as they see fit, creating a desire for a woman that can not possibly exist.

So if you watch, or have watched, a lot of porn you’re going to find it really hard to see your wife as your standard of beauty.

Never is this shown more obviously than in the dating period.

When you date, you are deciding whether or not you’re suited for marriage, and part of that includes deciding if you’re attracted to every aspect of that person.[9]

If you are constantly comparing her to other women, particularly to the porn stars you’re seeing at night, as you sit in the glow of your laptop with a box of Kleenex to hand, then you’re going to find it seriously hard to get the whole attraction.

She’ll know too, if you’re comparing her in your head. She’ll spot you if you start looking other women up and down, as you sit at the dinner table of a restaurant with her.

Don’t be that guy. Please, don’t be that guy.

Put down the hand cream, shut off the computer, repent of your sin, and start following Jesus’ example of manliness.

No stay-at-home Dads

I’m serious about this.

At no point does the idea “I’ll be the stay at home Dad!” ever become a good one. If you’re planning on sending your wife off to work while you stay home with the kids then you’re a joke and you should get on your bike and ride home, little boy.

How can a woman respect a man who doesn’t earn his money, doesn’t work hard for her all day and doesn’t take the responsibility of the family’s well-being seriously on his own shoulders?

Answer – they can’t. They don’t.

I’m not saying there aren’t extenuating circumstances where it’s fine for a man to stay home; for instance the guy may be a craftsman by trade and one day suffers a stroke or illness that causes him to lose the use of his hands. That guy has a good reason to not be able to work.

There are good reasons for a guy to stay home, but you don’t have one.

The Bible says this on the subject –

“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”[10]

Yeah.

The guy who’s staying at home while his wife works hard to provide for their family is worse than a non-believer…

I’ll let that sink in.

Some people will say “don’t be a hater”, but frankly I don’t care what label you give it, just ask yourself if your friend came up to you and told you he sits home all day while his wife works hard to keep him would you respect him more, or less?

“So how does that affect me dating?” I hear you ask.

Once again I point to the fact that dating is basically preparation for marriage. If you set the precedent early that when she’s with you she doesn’t have to pay for anything, you’re on the right track.

In this ‘enlightened’ (aha) world we live in, it’s generally accepted that when a couple goes out on a date they split the bill.

Well, I’m going to tell you that the world is, well, wrong. Surprise!

Next time you take a girl out to dinner you pay the bill, you even pay the tip. You drive. If you can’t drive you pay her back for giving you a lift (this can be via a gift later, I know just handing cash over can be seriously awkward). If you have to take public transport somewhere then you pay for her.

I try really hard to make sure I always do this. When Sam and I went out for a meal for her friend’s birthday I paid for her and for myself, I even paid everyone’s tip.

I took Sam to see Thor[11] and paid for it then too. It cost way more than I expected, but who cares? She’s worth every penny, and I want to enforce that from day one.

Women want to feel cared for and looked after, so men – pay the bill.

Men want respect, Women need love

This is straight out of Ephesians 5, verse 33 –

“So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

You see men, women are going to struggle to respect you if you have the whole ‘stay-at-home Dad’ mentality (or SAHD syndrome), because you’re not showing them the love they require, that they need.

To further this point, women need your love continuously, it’s not like you can say “I love you so much” once on a Monday and expect them to get through to Sunday on that. They need constant shows of love and affection to feel safe, enabling them to give you the respect you want.

To this end, you need to spend a lot of time with your wife/girlfriend. When you’re married this means spending time at home.

You’re not the guy who takes his wedding ring off to go to the sports bar with his single friends after work.

You’re not the guy who goes straight to the pub after work, coming home to have dinner then either watch TV or sleep, never once engaging with your wife.

You’re not the guy who works all week then spends the weekends golfing with your friends from work.

You’re the guy who is home, loving his wife and spending time with her.

In a dating relationship this means scheduling as much time as you can to see her. I know Sam feels really loved when I say to her “I have such-and-such a day free, why don’t we see if your friends are free and meet up with them for a while”[12] or “my buddies invited me out on Friday night to the pub, would you like to come?”

It’s as straight forward as involving her in your plans, ensuring that she feels loved. It’s also ensuring you’re able to fit in around her plans. This is one I struggle with, I often feel neglected if I feel Sam’s putting someone else before me, but it is important to make sure I not only allow her to do whatever she needs to do, but also be waiting for her when she’s done, to be there.

I may cancel things for her, but that doesn’t mean she has to cancel things for me. That’s what loving someone sacrificially is about.

Another point to make on this is that when you’re with her, and when you’re not, you need to honour her with your words.

You’re not the guy who sits at the bar with his buddies, making crude jokes at your girlfriend’s expense, or sounding off to whoever will listen about what annoys you about her. This doesn’t mean you can’t talk about any issues ever, but it means you need to find one person who is wiser and more Godly than you, who has a wife who he cares for and looks after well, and seek his counsel.

Beyond this it is important to remember – you talk to your wife or girlfriend, not about her. Any issues you have you should take them to her and just talk them through, this way she will feel loved and not abused.

You’re hers, she’s yours

In marriage, the husband belongs to the wife, and vice versa. It says this in 1 Corinthians 7:4 –

“The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.”

So in marriage this means that when of you want to get freaky, so does the other.

This means in marriage the husband asks his wife whether he can go to certain places with certain people, and vice versa.

This means the wife asks her husband what clothes she should wear, hairstyle she should have, perfume to buy, and vice versa.

Practically applying this to dating is slightly more difficult, as there is no authority in a dating relationship, but it can be done. Let’s just take the principle and try to apply it to certain situations.

Sam and I often shop together, if I’m going to buy something I want her to like it on me, obviously, so I take her to get her opinion. If I pick something up and it gets that “no chance, buddy” look I know to put it down, whether or not I like it.

The same goes for Sam, she often picks things up and says “would you like me in this?” and she either gets a yes or a no. If it’s a no then she doesn’t buy it, because she wants to look attractive to me; she’s very loving that way.

I’m also nearly out of cologne (after-shave) so when I go to buy more I’ll be taking Sam with me, so she can give an opinion on what she likes to smell because, hey, she’s the only one whose opinion matters.

If you put this practice into your dating relationship you will be setting a good precedent for loving and honouring her that can be followed easily once married.

So I’m going to end the post here, despite the fact that I haven’t touched on everything I wanted to.[13]

I’ll be dealing more with these issues from the woman’s perspective in a later post, so keep an eye out for that. I’m also looking to do a Q&A section at the end of the series, so please keep tweeting and e-mailing me your questions and I’ll endeavour to answer them. I’m even thinking about bringing Sam in on the post to answer questions from the ladies, so look out for that one.

I pray that any guys who have read this haven’t had their pride swell-up, thinking they’re better than every example here. We all have faults in the area of dating and we should all be trying to work on them, by the grace of God; so I pray the Holy Spirit convicts all of us to work on the specific area(s) in which we are lacking. I pray for the Christian men who are out there dating right now, I pray that they are honouring and loving their girlfriends, and that they’re preparing to raise up the next generation of awesome Godly kids.

[1] Ephesians 5:25-26

[2] John 11:35

[3] I wouldn’t recommend doing it much, I’ve always said guys shouldn’t be criers, but it’s okay to when the moment is appropriate.

[4] John 4:7-30

[5] Mark 5:25-34

[6] I’ll get onto this when I write a post for the gals.

[7] This is the opposite of the sin of commission, acting in a way in which you should not.

[8] Proverbs 5:18-20

[9] I covered this in part 1.

[10] 1 Timothy 5:8

[11] I would recommend seeing it, it’s fantastic.

[12] I don’t do this even close to as much as I should.

[13] 3.5 thousand words is waaayyy long for a post anyway.

Dating: Part I – The Basics

2011-05-22T11:06:00.000-07:00

When I first started this blog I decided I wasn’t going to touch the topic of dating for some time. I thought it might be too touchy a topic and to tread carefully around it, feel it out (probably shouldn’t have said it that way).

I’ve changed my mind.

Dating in the culture we live in has become so lost and, frankly, depraved that I felt it important to get this out onto the blog, just in case it benefits someone.

The topic is, of course, how to date righteously as a Christian.

The Basics

In Genesis we see that our God is a Trinitarian God; that is one God, three persons – God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ, and God the Holy Spirit. As these three persons our God lives in perfect community and connection.

We are made in the image and likeness of God[1] and as such we yearn for the perfect community and connection our God has in the Trinity.

God, in his loving goodness and grace, saw that “it is not good for the man to be alone”[2], so he made Eve as Adam’s “helper”[3].

Adam then sings Eve a love song in Hebrew –

“This one is bone from my bone,
and flesh from my flesh!
She will be called ‘woman,’
because she was taken from ‘man.’”[4]

God then officiates the first wedding, essentially leading his daughter, Eve, down the aisle as we still do today when the bride’s father walks with her.

We also see that there is no shame, when married, to be naked in front of one another and that this is God’s intention.[5]

Unfortunately, sin then proceeds to enter the world and the human race becomes cursed –

“Then he said to the woman, “I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.”

And to the man he said, “Since you listened to your wife and ate from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat, the ground is cursed because of you. All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it. It will grow thorns and thistles for you,
though you will eat of its grains. By the sweat of your brow will you have food to eat
until you return to the ground from which you were made. For you were made from dust, and to dust you will return.””[6]

It is this cursed life in which we now live and date, which is why for a lot of people it’s just so hard.

To ensure that this fallen world isn’t what you’re turning to for your dating prototype and aid-giver there are 2 questions I’d like you to work through honestly.

How is your relationship with Jesus?

Ultimately, any relationship in your life should be second to your relationship with Jesus. Every relationship you have, especially your marriage and dating relationship, is going to ultimately succeed or fail by how well your relationship with Jesus is going.

For men this means that following Jesus is the most important thing, because once you do that then the Holy Spirit will be able to help you be faithful, loving and committed to his daughter. Following Jesus will allow you to be the head of the household, leading your wife and family along the path Jesus leads you. Only then will your wife trust you, submit to your authority, and know she can follow you without fear.[7]

For women this means following Jesus will allow you to submit to his authority (within marriage, there is no headship in dating) and helping you to not let your curse control you – “and you will desire to control your husband”. When a man and his wife are following Jesus it’s a beautiful thing. She knows he’s following Jesus, so she trusts him and relinquishes her attempts to control him, simply trusting that he will do what’s best for her.

How is your relationship with Jesus?

Are you believing any cultural lies?

You guys, are you watching porn? Are you reading the guys magazines like Esquire, Playboy, GQ etc? Where are you getting your views on masculinity – God or culture? In our culture it seems that the most masculine guy is the guy who can spit farthest, or sleep with the most girls, or drink the most beer. This isn’t being a man, that’s being a douche. It’s not a man, it’s a joke.[8]

You girls, are you reading the girly magazines that hold celebrities in esteem for their dangerous behaviour? Are you reading the magazines who say “skinny is best” then show a model whose body type you couldn’t get without being ill? Are you watching porn (I know this isn’t just a guy thing now)?

Guys and girls, you need to know that you shouldn’t be allowing culture to shape how you dress, how you act, or how you view things. Good Christian teaching, your Bible, and Christian community/church should be doing this.

Remember, we are not to be of this world, despite being in it.

Romans 12:2 –

“Don’t copy the behaviour and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.”

So how do Christians date?

The most important thing to understand is that the ultimate goal of dating is marriage. We date because we want to find someone to marry.

Not to find someone to hop into bed with.

Not to find someone to live with.

Not to find someone who is fun for a while.

Not to find someone who will make us look good in front of our mates.

Not to find someone who will boost our ego.

We’re trying to find marriage.[9]

So, with all that in mind, here are a few principles to keep in mind when considering dating, or when you are dating, as a Christian.

Do not pursue a relationship until you’re in a season where marriage is possible.

For instance, if you’re 15 in High School then dating isn’t for you right now, as you can’t realistically begin to consider marriage. Maybe it’s only 6 months until you’re off to another country for 5 years? Yeah, maybe dating’s not for you as you can’t consider marriage.

Within this point is that you should maximize your singleness for God. When you get married and (God-willing) start popping kids out, you aren’t going to have a lot of free time. When you’re single you have nothing but free time, so use it. Start doing something awesome for God. Volunteer for as much as they’ll have you for at your Church; just do something with your singleness that’s pleasing to God.

Might I suggest the children’s ministry? Guys, don’t over-look this! Lots of cute girls all looking after babies, add you into the mix and you have you, gal, child… You’re half way there!

Be reasonable with your expectations.

Some people, I find, are waaaaaayyyy too picky! Some gals say they want a 6 foot 1, blonde guy with blue eyes, who can sing, knows how to cook lobster, can earn a minimum of £100,000 a year, comes from an Irish background, has tonnes of time to spend with her and the kids, loves a certain kind of rare flower, and who plays right midfield for Manchester United.[10]

That’s not going to happen. Well, it’s probably not going to happen for you, though I’m sure it has for maybe one person in the history of the world.[11]

Some people aren’t picky enough though. They’ll take anything with a pulse. This is usually guys, frankly, as most of them are so useless they’re just happy someone’s interested.

No Non-Christians!

Oh you knew it was going to come up, come on. A lot of people wonder as to the accuracy of this point; just looking it up on the internet (I do research most of my posts, don’t look so shocked) I came across tonnes of discussion boards and topics to do with this subject and it seemed everyone knew it wasn’t right, but no one could give a Biblical quote.

Well, here’s a couple for you.

2 Corinthians 6:14 –

“Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? And what union can there be between God’s temple and idols? For we are the temple of the living God.”

Deuteronomy 7:3-4 –

“You must not intermarry with them [non-believers]. Do not let your daughters and sons marry their sons and daughters, for they will lead your children away from me to worship other gods.”

I know a lot of people find this hard and, to be honest, it is hard, especially for girls![12]

I know from experience how hard it is to wait and just not date anyone until the right someone comes along, but it’s worth it. God calls us to be an example to others and, honestly, jumping in with any ol’ guy or gal who comes your way is not the example we’re called to set.

Ephesians 5:3-4 –

“Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God.”

Get the total attraction.

To girls this will seem obvious, to guys this seems ground-breaking.

“You mean we have to like more than just their ‘swerve’? Woooaaah…”

Yes, dude; you have to like everything, not just that they’re a total hottie.

“What does this mean?” I hear you ask. Well, I hear the guys ask.

This means you have to be attracted to them physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It’s a total attraction that you’re looking for.

Are they like-minded on topics such as sexuality, gender-roles and faith? If so you have spiritual covered.

Do they have attractive responses when problems arise or do they flip out because they’ve dropped their ice cream? If they have attractive reactions then they’re probably emotionally attractive.

Do they stimulate you when you converse with them? Do they ask insightful questions or do you find them boring? The opposite is always true, are they too intelligent for you? For instance, if you’re a construction worker who doesn’t like words with more than 3 syllables then you’re probably not suited for a relationship with an Oxford-educated lawyer. Are they mentally attractive?

Are they a total hottie? Then they’re physically attractive. No more explanation needed, I feel…

Guard your heart.

If you get nothing else from this post let this be what sticks in your head.

Guard you heart.

Don’t invest in a relationship without assessing it thoroughly and praying about it a lot. When I was deciding whether or not to date Sam (my girlfriend, which you’ll know if you follow me on Twitter or read this blog regularly) I spent months praying about it as we continued to meet up. I considered whether she ticked all my boxes[13] and whether I could consider her for marriage.

I was trying to guard my heart, and hers.

Proverbs 4:23 –

“Guard your heart above all else,

for it determines the course of your life.”

Guard your heart.

So, well done for hanging in there; that’s the basics of Christian dating! Over the posts of this series I’ll go through both the male and female roles in relationships individually, how to interact with one another once you’ve made the step into a relationship, how sex is to be viewed, and I’ll hopefully be doing a Q&A post on the topic of dating (if you wish to ask a question please e-mail me or get me on Twitter).

I pray this post has been beneficial to everyone and has been accurate throughout. I pray that it has been pleasing to you, Father God. I also pray that the other posts in the series, which are yet to be completed, are also beneficial and pleasing to you, Lord God. I pray I get some good questions and your Spirit settles on my mind as I attempt to answer them as best I can.

Come back soon for Part 2!

[1] See Genesis 1:27.

[2] See Genesis 2:18.

[3] Ibid.

[4] See Genesis 2:23.

[5] See Genesis 2:25.

[6] See Genesis 3:16-19.

[7] See 1Peter 3:1-7.

[8] I’ll cover this further in a later post in this series, which may well be inflammatory for some of you (you will need your cup on).

[9] For further discussion read 1Corinthians 7.

[10] I may have just (completely inadvertently) described David Beckham?

[11] Probably Posh Spice. See above.

[12] I’ll get onto this very soon. Guys, get your cups.

[13] See above heading – Total Attraction.

A Letter of Comfort

2011-05-15T07:07:00.000-07:00

As I work on a new series, I thought I would try something new on here.

This post was difficult for me; you’ll see why soon enough.

Today I’m going to ask all of you to be honest with yourselves about what it is you aren’t allowing God to do in your life. Where do you snatch the reins from him and not trust him enough to help?

Where is it that you’ve just stopped waiting for answer to prayer?

Where is it that you are stressed but do not turn to Jesus for help?

Why is Jesus not your refuge and comfort?

In this post, I wanted to take a page from the Apostle Paul Playbook.

I’m writing a letter, and I ask you to do the same.

“To whom?!” I hear you ask.

Well, to yourself.

Be honest with yourself, search your heart for where it is God wants to change you, and bring it to the forefront. Ask God to break your heart so he can mould it to the shape it needs to be.

I wrote my own letter to myself, and I’m going to share it with you. It’s uncomfortable to be so forward, open and vulnerable on so open a stage, but if I can do it here then you can do it with yourself, on your own.

So here goes.

Dear Ed,

I know recently you’ve been worrying that things are getting away from you and that you’re not relying enough on God to solve your problems. I know that when you’ve felt like your prayers are going unanswered you’ve sought to work out your own problems without waiting too long for God to intervene.

I must remind you that the Apostle Paul calls us to “walk by faith, not by sight” (2 Corinthians 5:7) and part of that means we trust that God is at work, even when it feels like we can’t see it. Sometimes his answers come quietly, with subtle changes, and that is when we need faith. Occasionally, God does answer prayer with fire and brimstone or some other grand gesture, which is when we are able to walk by sight, but 99% of the time we are capable of missing the answers because they are subtle; no less important or helpful, but more subtle. These are the times we walk by faith, when we can’t see an immediate response but need to have faith that God is helping, regardless of whether we see it immediately or not.

A big part of the problem is not so much that you are attempting to solve your problems, but more that you are not allowing God to be your comfort. You do the right thing by praying through your problems, but because the answer takes time and you are not allowing God to be your comfort in that time, you struggle to last it out in faith.

Allow God to be your comfort.

Even the Apostle Paul, earlier on in 2 Corinthians (1:3-7 to be precise), is familiar with needing to be comforted:-

“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us.”

You see?

Allow God to be your refuge when you are awaiting his answers, so that you may be strong in the Lord and may offer that strength and comfort to others.

God does not allow troubles to go unrewarded or unanswered. Every ounce of trouble, stress, worry or pain is not something to hide away from, but rather something to man up and take on the chin, in the knowledge that God is your comfort and will work out all things for good. We are rewarded for our suffering in Christ by our perfect Father.

Allow God to be your comfort.

A few ways in which you my do this are, firstly, prayer. Fervently pray to your Father, asking that he grants you, through the Holy Spirit, the strength to last out the time of waiting. Also ask that he showers you with comfort in all ways possible. Don’t forget to praise him for his ongoing grace and help in your life, as worship is a righteous thing to do, and is pleasing to a weary heart.

Secondly, you must read your Bible. When you are confronted with a problem turn to your Bible to seek the answer. 2 Timothy 3:16 says “All Scripture is God-breathed and profitable”, so why not turn to it for help?

Thirdly, seek counsel from those wiser than you are, more mature in the faith than you are. They will offer you advice based on previous experience or insight gained through the Lord, so don’t ignore their wisdom.

Allow God to be your comfort.

Yours in Jesus,

Me.

“It’s not just ________, it’s an idol” Part III

2011-05-08T07:43:00.000-07:00

<<< Click to view Part 2

In part 2 of the idolatry series[1] I discussed the way idolatry gets played out, and how to go about identifying your idols.

I know the questions I posted were pretty beardy, and I hope you all really benefited from them. If you did please do let me know how they helped, and the same goes for if they didn’t – let me know.[2]

In this post we’ll be looking at the practical ways in which we find ourselves drawn to idolatry, how to change those influences, and how to evaluate whether we need to simply smash our idols, or whether they can be redeemed.

To begin, I’m going to take you through how we can be drawn to idolatry. The biggest issue I’ve found for our idolatrous habits comes from worldliness.

Worldliness is when we value the influence and opinions of the world above those of God; where we partake of the things that are of the world and in opposition to God.

1 John 2:15 –

“Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you.”

What John is saying is that when you sacrifice for the things of this world, for your idols, you cease to sacrifice for God. You start to seek approval of others instead of the approval of your Heavenly Father.

What is implied here is that the love of the world often translates into fear of man, which is unhealthy, taking place of the rightful fear of God.

Let’s say you get into a conversation with your friends (for the sake of this example we’ll say it’s about abortion) and instead of doing what the Holy Spirit may push you to, to speak out against it, you stay quiet and don’t say anything, for fear of upsetting your friends. In that moment, you’ve put your fear of man in the place of highest esteem, putting God in second place where he does not belong.

I’m not saying continually seek ways to upset your friends by speaking out against things just randomly.

“Oh, Paul’s wearing pink again today.”

“Pink?! Is he gay?! The Bible tells us about those gays…”

Don’t be that guy. Don’t be the person who turns everything into a hyper-spiritual conversation, because you’ll either get beat up or ignored. It’s harmful to your witness. Just speak out when you feel pushed to, and you’ll know when you are.

John continues with his explanation of rejecting worldliness.

1 John 2:16-17 –

“For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever.”

We see from this part of scripture that we don’t need to be overly concerned with what people think in this life, as ultimately it doesn’t matter. Be of your Heavenly Father and don’t fall into the trap of fear of man.

At this point I’m going to try not to confuse you, but still get a point across. Love for the Father does not mean hate of the world. Love for God can mean love for the world, instead of love of the world.

Follow?

We’re called to be on a mission for God in our own societies[3] and as such need to have great love and compassion for those we speak to. We’re to radiate forth the love of God, and sometimes that means we show love to the world that has fallen from God.

Again, to distinguish, this does not mean we are to love the world and its sinful ways, but we are to show love to the world by living rightly in Christ. Jesus is your go-to guy if you want to learn how to do this.[4]

By way of warning I would simply like to say this – do not simply try to reject the world in its entirety. It is not enough to reject the world as this does not identify and resolve the problem entirely, it just means we have more struggle against temptation as our soul and heart still desire the ways of the world.

What we must do is seek God, for him to change our heart. When God does that all of a sudden the world doesn’t seem so enticing, the old ways of sin are put behind us and we stride forward in love for God.

Now comes the practical bit.

Now we have identified our idols and understand why we have fallen into those traps, we can start to work out whether the idols we have need to be smashed entirely or whether they can be redeemed.

Some idols are not worth redeeming. They are not of God and therefore can not be used to glorify His name if given the right amount of importance (because there is no right amount of importance, save for no importance what-so-ever).

Some idols are worthy of redeeming. They are gifts from God that He has given us for our pleasure and his glory. As such they can be redeemed, usually by understanding that their importance or usage in our lives just needs to be altered.

Let me unpack that a little. I’m not saying that an idol is more or less of an idol, depending on what it is. I’m saying that all idols need to be removed, that the importance put in them and worship given to them needs to stop and be focused on God. What I am saying, however, is that not all things we turn into idols are bad, it’s just the way and the why we turned them into idols that is.

Follow?

Some things are good things from God, and if we see them as something we can enjoy and use to glorify God, instead of put in place of God as an idol, then we can continue to enjoy them.

The idol gets smashed, but the activity can remain as a redeemed activity that is glorifying to God.

I hope you got that.

I’ll now give an example (or maybe two, if I’m really in the flow) of an idol that simply needs to be smashed, and an idol that can be redeemed.

Idol smashing

Some dudes[5] look at porn. I know this. I also know some gals look at porn, but because I’m old school that way I’ll use a guy in my example. Some guys who say they’re Christians look at porn, which is disgusting and unacceptable, but I’ll get to that at a later date.[6]

Now porn is in no way glorifying to God. It is, in every way, antithetical to God and what we as Christians should stand for.

There is no way that can be redeemed as it’s not a gift from God.

I know of some couples who try to redeem it by watching it together, in marriage, as a way of finding new tricks for one another… No!

Just… No!

There is no way to redeem it, it’s as simple as that.

Back to my example – so we have a young guy who’s addicted to porn. Is there anyway to redeem this? Is there any way to watch porn and glorify God?

If at this point you’re sat at your computer or smart phone nodding your head like “yes, of course there is” then you need to go and smash your forehead off a wall or something.

There is no way to redeem porn. That guy needs to put down the Kleenex, unplug the laptop and ask God to help him stop looking at those depraved images. He, simply and rightly, needs to allow God to change his heart. He needs Jesus to help him go from loving something of the world to loving Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit.

Redeeming

I’m going to stay on a similar theme here.

Let’s say that a dude is sleeping around, and his idol is sex.

I’m going to have to really thread the needle on this one, I can just tell.

Now, is sex a gift from God?

Totally. In the context of marriage we are called to have as much fruitful, joyful and pleasurable sex as we can.[7]

Outside of marriage it’s simply unacceptable.

This dude needs to smash his idol, that’s for sure. He needs to ask God to change his heart so he puts Jesus in his rightful place as the number one priority in his life.

Does that mean he needs to stop having sex completely?

Yes and no.

Yes he needs to stop having sex outside of marriage.

No he doesn’t have to stop forever. When he gets married he’ll be welcome to enjoy his wife as frequently as they can manage to. It’s not like he’ll be sat there with his wife saying “no sex for us, ever. It used to be an idol for me so now I’m banned from it.”

That’s not glorifying to God, that’s not using the gift he’s given for those two in their marriage.

Get it?

Ok, another example then. Let’s say there’s a girl who loves shopping (I know you gals love to shop!). She decides to stop serving on the worship team at church because she has to stay back at the end of the service, meaning she can’t go straight out on her day off and shop. She also stops tithing at church because that £10 a week or whatever is like a whole t-shirt a week less. Eventually maybe she stops going to church altogether, because the shops are quiet on a Sunday morning.

She’s stopped serving God, stopped giving her treasures to God, and stopped even turning up to enjoy God’s presence and people. She’s putting shopping before Jesus.

I know instantly the gals who read this will think “oh no! Is he saying shopping is sinful?” and will then either stop reading this blog or cry. But fear not, that’s not what I’m saying, so please don’t pray for a lightning bolt to hit me.

What I am saying is that shopping can become an idol; an idol that can be smashed to be redeemed.

Is shopping fun? Totally. Is shopping a good way to schedule time to connect with people, relate to people and meet people? Totally. Is it possible to glorify God whilst shopping? I would say it probably is, yeah. I would say this because it can be a tremendous witnessing tool. Imagine, if you will, the 21 year old university student gal who’s out with her unsaved friends, looking at nice clothes. They look at something that’s, for want of a better term, trampy, and the Christian gal says “I wouldn’t wear that, the Bible calls for us to be modest in dress.”

Boom! Brilliant witness right there. She’s living out her life in Christ in front of her friends. They’ll probably, being gals, then ask a tonne of questions about her faith and opinions on clothes. She’ll probably even influence their decisions, helping them not dress in a way that is unflattering.[8]

So yes, I would argue it can be glorifying to God, with the right heart.

And that’s where this is all going. Some things are gifts from God and His intention for us is to enjoy them, we just take them too far and begin to worship them in place of God. What we really need to do is ask God to change our heart so we can put each gift back in its rightful place.

So ask yourself – the idol you located from the last post, is it redeemable or does it need to be smashed entirely?

I pray this has helped put idolatry in perspective for the people who have read, and those who will read, these posts. I pray that the distinctions between fear of God and fear of man, and between idols needing to be smashed and those that need to be redeemed, have been explained properly so they are easily understood.

I pray we all continue to seek out God and put our own worldliness and idolatry to death.

I ask this of Jesus, in whose good name we pray.

[1] See part 1 here, and part 2 here.

[2]You can do so by commenting on each post, or by e-mailing me at heartofcorinth@gmail.com

[3] Matthew 28:16-20

[4] If you don’t know where to find examples of this then read all of the gospels. Also, read this post I did on reading your Bible - http://heartofcorinth.blogspot.com/2011/03/questions-from-new-christian.html

[5] In the sense of being male, not in the sense of being a “total dude”.

[6] Spoiler alert! This WILL be coming up soon.

[7] Some people don’t know this stuff is in the Bible. Read Proverbs 5:18-19, 1 Corinthians 7:5, and the entire book of Songs of Solomon (yes, an entire book all about marital sex).

[8] I’m sure you can now see why I used a girl for this example. A) any guy who is with guys looking at trampy clothes needs to get help. Seriously, you need to go right now. B) if a guy said anything about his faith, the other guys, 99% of the time, would not ask questions; the best he’d get would be a grunt.

“It’s not just ________, it’s an idol” Part II

2011-05-03T06:06:00.000-07:00

<<< Click to view Part 1

In the last post of the series we looked at what idolatry is. We discussed the idolatry of Israel in Exodus 32 and looked at what Paul had to say on the subject in 1Corinthians. I also pointed out that we are made in the image and likeness of God and, therefore, are always out-pouring worship. If we do not point that worship to Creator then we worship creation. In that way we either reflect God or our god.

In this post I’ll be discussing how to locate your idols, giving useful (hopefully) and practical (hopefully) questions to ask yourself…

If idolatry is the worship of something that we hold in a position of esteem higher than that of God and Jesus, then locating idols comes down to assessing our hearts. It also comes down to assessing where our time, effort, money and sacrifice are all aimed at, what it’s all for.

Do you sacrifice your time with your family or at your Church (with your spiritual family) to go to the gym in search of the beach body you’ve always wanted?

Maybe you starve yourself, sacrificing your appetite and health, because you want to look like the girls (or guys, of course) in the magazines.

Perhaps you sacrifice your body and money by going to clubs to drink and find people to take home and have your way with.

There are all practical examples of idols, and they’re all common ones each of us could easily (and may well already) struggle with.

1Corinthians 10:19-22 –

“What am I trying to say? Am I saying that food offered to idols has some significance, or that idols are real gods? No, not at all. I am saying that these sacrifices are offered to demons, not to God. And I don’t want you to participate with demons. You cannot drink from the cup of the Lord and from the cup of demons, too. You cannot eat at the Lord’s Table and at the table of demons, too.”

Here Paul makes a clear distinction between God and Demons, between Creator and creation, and between worship and idolatry.

The point he’s making is that we either worship God or we worship idol, it’s that simple. One is the correct adoration and worship of Creator God and the other is the worship of demons. We as Christians can not do both, we can not split our adoration between God and created things, because that means we call two things the Lord of our life.

In order to locate your idols I’m going to go through some of the questions I asked myself, and maybe some of the answers, in preparation for this post.

What do I use to give me a self-esteem boost? What is it that I’m most proud of?

This for me was the most invasive and revealing of the questions I asked myself; it’s the root of the other questions, the start point. Answer this and then apply the next few questions to the answer, if you can.

“If I had to pick one thing to be remembered for, or that I would like the most people to take notice of me for, what would it be?”

The answer for some might be their job. They’re really proud of the fact that they’re brilliant at their job; that they can sell the most of something, or do the most cold-calls.

The answer for someone I know is that they can produce music. They’re good at producing music and it’s their biggest achievement.

Now I’m not saying that being good at something is bad, I’m not even saying that being pleased with a good job is bad. Not at all; what I’m saying is that to get your sense of self-worth from something outside of Jesus is the root of things that can be idolatrous.

So ask yourself now – “from where do I get my sense of self-worth?”

What do I do to relieve stress? What do I do to control my circumstances when stressed?

A big question, admittedly. There’s a lot of question there, and I know it’s hard to answer it all, but take some time.

I know from testimonies I’ve heard that people who’ve had no affection from their father in their lives would go and seek the affections of other men when stressed, as if to have sex with them and gain their approval is to be validated as a person. It’s their way to forget stress and feel good as a person for a short while.

I know that’s a very dramatic example, but I need you guys to understand the weightiness of the situation.

I can’t say I’m brilliant with this but when stressed I know from experience that turning to God, crying out in worship,[1] is a great release valve. When you connect with God through the Spirit, through worship, you really can see why your problems really aren’t that bad, and the assurance that God works out all things for good is always at the front of my mind.

What do I daydream about? What features most prevalently in my thoughts?

This is a question that seems really innocuous at first, until you start to see the logic behind it.

For instance, what does a teenage boy think about the most?

Probably sex.

So what does he spend a lot of his time doing?

Viewing porn and other such endeavours.

So what becomes even more prevalent in his life?

Thinking about sex and porn.

So what does he do more often?

I think you get the idea now.

Whatever your mind goes to when you allow it to wonder, wherever you devote your thought time to, that’s a big indication of where your heart has stored its treasure.

The best thing you can do is soak your mind in scripture. Start trying to memorise parts of your Bible! The more you get in there the less room there is for other crap, so you begin to meditate on the word of God.

Doesn’t that sound awesome?

What do I worry about the most? What, if lost, would make life seem less worth living?

Now we’re getting to the true heart, right?

This one’s going to sting.

I think this one reveals a lot about where our hearts have stored treasure. If there was one thing that would make you feel like life was less worth the effort for having lost, then you’re putting far too much importance on that one thing. Nothing is worth more than your life, save for Jesus and his mission.

For this part I’m going to point you to scripture, to what Jesus has to say on the issue of giving up your life for him.

John 12:25 –

“Those who love their life in this world will lose it. Those who care nothing for their life in this world will keep it for eternity.”

I pointed this part of scripture out to make a point; that Jesus himself says you need to care more for my mission on your life than you do your own life.

Don’t let the world lie to you and tell you your job is more important then Jesus’ mission, or that your family is more important than Jesus’ mission, or that the car you drive and the money you earn are more important than Jesus’ mission.

What prayer, if unanswered, would make me want to walk away from God?

And we get to the final question.

Is there anything that would make you want to turn away from God, if He didn’t answer your prayer in the way you wanted him to?

Let’s say someone’s idol is their body, and making sure they look good (so pride, essentially), because their self-worth comes from what they look like and what others say about how they look.

Let’s say that in order to stay in the shape they love they enjoy running.

Is running a sin? No, the Bible says “Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honour God with your body.”[2] So looking after your body with running is something I would definitely support.

But to continue with my illustration, let’s say that the person in question finds out they have some sort of injury or illness that will stop them running for a lengthy period of time.

They then pray and ask God for instantaneous healing, but God has his reasons and says no...

If their reaction from that point onward is to curse God and walk away from him, then He was never their God at all, the running and their body image was.

So ask yourself what would make you turn from God, and when you’ve located it ask for help to release that idol; give it to God and ask him to redeem it.

I hope these questions are helpful to you and I really hope finding your idols helps the Holy Spirit convict you to remove them. I pray no one feels disheartened or condemned from this post, but find the rejuvenating love of Jesus as they seek to find what is separating them from Him.

Coming soon in part 3, how to smash or redeem your idols…

[1] I might suggest Chris Tomlin – Here I am to Worship; definitely my favourite song to worship to.

[2] 1Corinthians 6:19-20

“It’s not just ________, it’s an idol”

2011-04-26T07:14:00.000-07:00

This post is the first in a series I'm doing on Idolatry. Keep popping back to see when the second part gets uploaded, and if it has anything helpful to you.

Ever had a good hard look at what people feel is important these days? I’ve been trying to and it’s pretty shocking.

Ask any guy what is important in life; so you know, maybe a top 5 for him. I bet these come up –

Sport (for most of the guys in this country, this is football/soccer)
Girlfriend (or a poor excuse for a girlfriend, otherwise known as a booty call)
Sex/Porn
Partying/Alcohol consumption
Money

Ask a young gal and see if these come up –

Gym/Fitness/Weight (diet is included in this)
Clothes
Boyfriend (or a poor excuse for a boyfriend, otherwise known as a loser/moocher/user)
Partying/Alcohol consumption
Money

That rings true, right?

Now just watch them as they pursue all of these things. Watch what they sacrifice to have the body the magazines say they should have; see what hardships they go through to get sex; listen to the way they talk about “how totally smashed” they were last night; listen to the way they seek gratification, or find acceptance, through their sporting performances; listen to how they talk about money, like it’s the only reason to get out of bed.

Now, I’m not saying that all of these things are bad (with the exception of porn, under no circumstances is porn and the viewing thereof acceptable), but it’s the attitude and mentality regarding them that’s bad. God made all of these things, so you should worship him for them, not worship them.

That’s called idolatry.

What is idolatry?

Idolatry is the worship of something other than God. It’s worshipping creation instead of creator.

We are made in the image and likeness of God[1] and as such are drawn to the same basic functions as our Trinitarian Lord, who is in constant community and interaction within the trinity (Father, Son and Spirit). Each has a constant worshipful out-pouring to one another, and it is this function that we innately inherit from our Lord and exhibit in our lives. Idolatry occurs when we take this innate need to worship something and, instead of turning it to the rightful place – to worship and honour God, we turn it to other things – such as money or sex.

Idolatry, at the root of it, is an out-pouring of both worship and of ourselves (via sacrifices made), to something that we place above God. We essentially make this idol our god and we sacrifice our time, money, effort and lives to it.

The most famous example of this is in the Old Testament, when Moses is up on the mountain with God, his followers become restless, so they craft themselves their own god.

Exodus 32:1-6 –

“When the people saw how long it was taking Moses to come back down the mountain, they gathered around Aaron. “Come on,” they said, “make us some gods who can lead us. We don’t know what happened to this fellow Moses, who brought us here from the land of Egypt.”

So Aaron said, “Take the gold rings from the ears of your wives and sons and daughters, and bring them to me.”

All the people took the gold rings from their ears and brought them to Aaron. Then Aaron took the gold, melted it down, and moulded it into the shape of a calf. When the people saw it, they exclaimed, “O Israel, these are the gods who brought you out of the land of Egypt!”

Aaron saw how excited the people were, so he built an altar in front of the calf. Then he announced, “Tomorrow will be a festival to the Lord!”

The people got up early the next morning to sacrifice burnt offerings and peace offerings. After this, they celebrated with feasting and drinking, and they indulged in pagan revelry.”

The Israelites grew restless whilst waiting for God, so they made something to call God instead, something that they could control and have work for them.

Does this seem familiar to you? Have you ever been in that place where you feel God isn’t working at your speed so it seems almost impossible to trust and wait?

I have, and those are the times to reach out in prayer and faith, because if you don’t you could become idolatrous, just like the Israelites did.

I find it curious that they made a new god. Most people seek simply to rely on themselves, turning inward for their needs and desires, acting as their own personal saviour. This began with Adam, who was more committed to something (namely himself) than he was to God. I suppose the main reason they made their own god is because it was a religious society, and having a god that you can control and manipulate is, by definition, serving of yourself as it’s your will you impose upon the god you make.

Today we see this play out all the time with motivational speakers and psychologists who will tell you that “you need to get to know you” or you need to find ways to grow in your “self-esteem”. All of this advice is idolatrous, as to turn inward is to cease looking outward, toward God, for help, identity, meaning, grace and peace.

We’re just as idolatrous as the people of Israel, we’re just lazier. Instead of making a god to manipulate, we just blatantly call ourselves ‘Lord’ and serve ourselves.

Sometimes our idol doesn’t even look like it’s ourselves, but it probably is. It’s always MY cause, MY life, MY sexuality, MY political preference, MY opinions. Some people, however, really do have an external idol that they worship as their god. The worst I’ve seen has to be the glamour girls who have those poxy little dogs in their handbags. Argh! That irritates me tremendously! They spend crazy amounts of money on these little animals, they treat them better than they do their friends and family, putting them in doggy day care and pampered pooch parlours. It’s an animal, don’t worship it.[2]

It’s oh so easy to become idolatrous, without even knowing it’s an idol.

Paul writes on idolatry very clearly in 1 Corinthians 10.

1 Corinthians 10:7-11 –

“As the Scriptures say, “The people celebrated with feasting and drinking, and they indulged in pagan revelry.[3]” And we must not engage in sexual immorality as some of them did, causing 23,000 of them to die in one day.

Nor should we put Christ to the test, as some of them did and then died from snakebites. And don’t grumble as some of them did, and then were destroyed by the angel of death. These things happened to them as examples for us. They were written down to warn us who live at the end of the age.”

We see from this the penalty for idolatry, which is ultimately death.

Idolatry is turning away from God, not looking to him, and therefore signing on the dotted line for a life full of sin, and an eventual, eternal, death. The penalty for sin is death, which is why we die, and only Jesus sets us free from that when we believe in him and make him our Lord; we get to live with him after our mortal death for eternity.

So how does this practically affect each of us? Well, now’s the time to locate your idols.

See Part 2 here...

[1] Genesis 1:27 – “So God created human beings in his own image.
In the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.”

[2] Sorry, small rant there. It’s just one of those things I think…

[3] Referring back to the extract from Exodus we looked at earlier.

On the Third Day He Rose

2011-04-23T04:45:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is my 20th birthday. Normally this is a day of fun, laughter, joy, and just a little bit of a sense that time to accomplish things is either slipping by or looming ahead.

For me though tomorrow's going to be all about the joy, not just because of turning 20, but because I get to share my day with the day Jesus rocked up out of his tomb, saving us all from Satan, sin and death.

Tomorrow I get to have my day with J-man, and it will be joyful.

In one day I will see the grace of one more year coming to me in my life, and the over-arching grace in my life shown in the death of my saviour, Jesus Christ.

One more year filled with grace. I just love saying it!

I'm more qualified to do my job, I'm applied and set to head off to university, I've had a great experience teaching in a school, I've got a gorgeous Godly girlfriend, my walk with God has been ramped up to hyper-speed, I've started this blog and (by the grace of God) have reached several hundred people already, and I'm enjoying the best physical health year of my life. All of these things, and much more, are evidences of God's great love, mercy and grace in my life; and that's just this year!

As I look toward adding another year of life to my tally I thank God for all he's done, is doing and will do for me, and I pray I have a big enough heart, enough humility, to allow him to use me for many more great things.

Because it's Easter I'm going to simply post Luke's story of the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus. I'm not going to teach on it, or try to explain it. I'm just going to post it and let the Holy Spirit fill you with joy as you read it.

Luke 23:26 - 24:12 –

“As they led Jesus away, a man named Simon, who was from Cyrene, happened to be coming in from the countryside. The soldiers seized him and put the cross on him and made him carry it behind Jesus. A large crowd trailed behind, including many grief-stricken women. But Jesus turned and said to them, “Daughters of Jerusalem, don’t weep for me, but weep for yourselves and for your children. For the days are coming when they will say, ‘Fortunate indeed are the women who are childless, the wombs that have not borne a child and the breasts that have never nursed.’ People will beg the mountains, ‘Fall on us,’ and plead with the hills, ‘Bury us.’ For if these things are done when the tree is green, what will happen when it is dry?”

Two others, both criminals, were led out to be executed with him. When they came to a place called The Skull, they nailed him to the cross. And the criminals were also crucified—one on his right and one on his left.

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” And the soldiers gambled for his clothes by throwing dice.

The crowd watched and the leaders scoffed. “He saved others,” they said, “let him save himself if he is really God’s Messiah, the Chosen One.” The soldiers mocked him, too, by offering him a drink of sour wine. They called out to him, “If you are the King of the Jews, save yourself!” A sign was fastened above him with these words: “This is the King of the Jews.”

One of the criminals hanging beside him scoffed, “So you’re the Messiah, are you? Prove it by saving yourself—and us, too, while you’re at it!”

But the other criminal protested, “Don’t you fear God even when you have been sentenced to die? We deserve to die for our crimes, but this man hasn’t done anything wrong.” Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your Kingdom.”

And Jesus replied, “I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise.”

The Death of Jesus

By this time it was about noon, and darkness fell across the whole land until three o’clock. The light from the sun was gone. And suddenly, the curtain in the sanctuary of the Temple was torn down the middle. Then Jesus shouted, “Father, I entrust my spirit into your hands!” And with those words he breathed his last.

When the Roman officer overseeing the execution saw what had happened, he worshiped God and said, “Surely this man was innocent.” And when all the crowd that came to see the crucifixion saw what had happened, they went home in deep sorrow. But Jesus’ friends, including the women who had followed him from Galilee, stood at a distance watching.

The Burial of Jesus

Now there was a good and righteous man named Joseph. He was a member of the Jewish high council, but he had not agreed with the decision and actions of the other religious leaders. He was from the town of Arimathea in Judea, and he was waiting for the Kingdom of God to come. He went to Pilate and asked for Jesus’ body. Then he took the body down from the cross and wrapped it in a long sheet of linen cloth and laid it in a new tomb that had been carved out of rock. This was done late on Friday afternoon, the day of preparation, as the Sabbath was about to begin. As his body was taken away, the women from Galilee followed and saw the tomb where his body was placed. Then they went home and prepared spices and ointments to anoint his body. But by the time they were finished the Sabbath had begun, so they rested as required by the law.

The Resurrection

But very early on Sunday morning the women went to the tomb, taking the spices they had prepared. They found that the stone had been rolled away from the entrance. So they went in, but they didn’t find the body of the Lord Jesus. As they stood there puzzled, two men suddenly appeared to them, clothed in dazzling robes.

The women were terrified and bowed with their faces to the ground. Then the men asked, “Why are you looking among the dead for someone who is alive? He isn’t here! He is risen from the dead! Remember what he told you back in Galilee, that the Son of Man must be betrayed into the hands of sinful men and be crucified, and that he would rise again on the third day.”

Then they remembered that he had said this. So they rushed back from the tomb to tell his eleven disciples—and everyone else—what had happened. It was Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, and several other women who told the apostles what had happened. But the story sounded like nonsense to the men, so they didn’t believe it. However, Peter jumped up and ran to the tomb to look. Stooping, he peered in and saw the empty linen wrappings; then he went home again, wondering what had happened.”

Awesome.

Anyway, here's some more Recommended Reading, with a (predominantly) Easter theme -

The Resurgence's blog post, entitled "Save Jesus? Ignore Easter?" is a great piece on why Easter is so important to us as Christians. Their series Defending & Proving the Resurrection has been very useful to me also, and is worth checking out.
Mars Hill Church has been working on a video entitled "Good Friday" and looks to be very exciting. Here's the page with the promo, the trailer and the link to sign up to download the short film.
Alli Rogers posted a very moving blog about why her Grandpa's death gave her hope. With Jesus' death giving us hope, I thought it was a very relevant and useful post. It's wonderfully written, so click here to read it.
If you follow me on Twitter you'll know that I recently posted an article (with video) about how parents dress their daughters. It was done by CNN and I've had quite an interesting response to it, so check it out and see what you think of it. Read it and think about it, and parents, as you go out to your Easter gatherings, be watchful of what your kids have chosen to wear.

That's all of it for this post guys. I hope you all have an amazing Easter with your families and I pray that you all see the grace of God in your lives, and are thankful for it.

An Update and Some Stuff to Look At

2011-04-17T05:47:00.000-07:00

Just a quick little post to talk briefly about what I've got planned for the coming time here at Heart of Corinth.

The first is, as you probably know from my Twitter (which, if you don't follow, you can do @grovenored) that I'm working on a short series on Idolatry. It will probably only be 3 parts or so, but will deal with a fairly heavy issue that I feel Christians don't have a good enough awareness of.
The second is that from now on I'm going to try and (with some regularity) bring you a post that is just a short list of outside reading that I would recommend to you. This could be book reviews, blog posts I've found, pieces of journalism... Anything, really. Hopefully it will all be useful to you in your walk with God (today at the end of this post will be the first of these lists).
Thirdly, and finally, I'm also working on a series of posts concerning dating, and how we do that as Christians. I'm going to need a lot of Spirit help with this one, so I'm asking you guys to pray that I get it right.

So I hope you guys are excited about the stuff coming up, and I hope you're still enjoying the Questions from a New Christian series by downloading the books (get them here) and all the other posts I've been doing.

God bless,

Now, here's my Recommended Reading -

Since we have Easter coming up, I thought this would be useful to us all; straight out of The Resurgence, it's "Jesus' Tomb is Empty!"
Volume 35 of Themelios, an Evangelical journal, is available at The Gospel Coalition for free download and makes for very interesting reading.
Another Easter-themed recommendation, here is a visualisation of Holy Week.

Enjoy them!

Faith & Honour

2011-04-17T05:26:00.000-07:00

Today’s blog is going to be about faith and honour (as I’m sure you noticed from the ol’ header image there).

I came upon the idea for this blog when my favourite pastor, Mark Driscoll (Twitter - @PastorMark) touched briefly on it in a sermon. It was only a couple of minutes as he danced around the issue briefly because it was a footnote in the major theme of the sermon, but it really got me thinking about my own walk.

If you’re anything like me you probably just assume you’re pretty faithful and honouring of you Heavenly Father and your earthly friends & family, right?

Well, the other night I took some time to really break down what it means to be faithful, and what it looks like practically to be honouring in your actions. I did not score well, if truth be told.

Faith

Faith is an issue that seems to be a very subliminal issue for a lot of Christians. They seem to mistake faith for belief in the existence of God, where it is usually more associated with trust and belief in the active participation of God. The issue is not “do I believe in God?” it’s “do I believe God is big/gracious enough to help me with this?”

So if you ask your average Christian “do you have faith in God?” they’ll answer with “of course” because they’ve mistaken faith for belief in existence. They may very well then go and be confronted by a major catastrophe in their life; maybe they get really sick, maybe they injure themselves, maybe their spouse or child does – whatever it may be they may show their lack of faith by never once turning to God in this catastrophe to help them out, but instead try to take the mantle and fix it themselves.

It’s the moments in your life that you need God the most, when God seems the furthest, that we display our true faith in God.

Proverbs 3:5 says this on the subject of faith –

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.”

To me this is truly indicative of our level of faith. When we hit a bumpy patch of road in our life, when we have a season of suffering, do we surrender ourselves to God in faith that he will use all things for our good and his glory (see Romans 8:28), or do we try to take the reins and solve it all ourselves, leaning on our own understanding? The latter option is where so much can go wrong. When we say to God “you know what, dude? I don’t want to sit around and wait to see if you do anything, so I got this” we’re basically saying “I don’t have the faith to see you as big enough to solve this. To me you’re a big God who solves small problems, not a big God who solves big problems”.

That’s a slap in the face to our Heavenly Father, and I would really warn you against this kind of thinking.

We need to bring things to God, in faith that he is big enough to solve our problems and work them out for good, and also that he’s gracious enough to do it. In the same way that it’s not right to simply not bring anything to God, it’s also not right for us to bring things to God whilst thinking he won’t be gracious enough to help.

James 1:12 –

“Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.”

See? Come to God with your problems and you will be duly rewarded. God is not some distant God who doesn’t involve himself with your problems; he’s a loving Dad who wants you to come to him with problems, so be faithful that he will be waiting to hear and solve your problems when you bring them to him.

2 Corinthians 5:7 –

“For we walk by faith, not by sight.”

So as a final point I want you to sit down, be honest with yourself (you’ll probably need to pray for the influence of the Holy Spirit to really do that) and just write down all the areas in your life where you’ve taken the reins from God and are not being faithful in your approach to solving your problems.

Also write down scenarios where, if something happened, you would really struggle to see how God will use it for good, or how he could possibly help.

Honour

Now we head into honouring. I’ll focus primarily on honouring God, but will try to touch on honouring others as well.

When you think of honouring God, what do you think of? Being nice to people, being honest when you can, maybe even donating to church every once in a while?

This was my understanding of it as well, right up until I sat down to work out where I’m honouring God and, more importantly, where I’m not.

This began with getting a better understanding of the nature of God & ourselves.

It says in Genesis that we are made in the image and likeness of God, and it goes on in Psalm 8:5 to say this –

“Yet you made them only a little lower than God and crowned them with glory and honour.”

In this psalm the author is referring to us as humans, saying God has crowned us with honour. I found this interesting as, when God made us, he made us in his image and likeness; therefore we have the communicable traits of God, such as love and honour and faith etc (we of course did not inherit the incommunicable traits, such as omnipotence and omniscience).

To this end, it seems that if God crowned us with honour, and we inherit God’s communicable traits, then we are by definition made to outpour honour.

After working this out it comes down to trying to figure out how this works practically. Practically this means we should be like Jesus is essentially where I came to. He is the perfect human embodiment of what it means to be the image and likeness of God. We should always strive to be like Jesus. I know this seems like a huge task, encompassing a lot of actions and thoughts, so I’ve come up with 3 of God’s communicable traits we inherited that help us show honour to one another and, by virtue of their nature, show honour to God.

Grace

God is a gracious God. God outpours grace to us through the actions of Jesus Christ. We should also outpour grace by mirroring the grace given to us. Practically, I think the best way I’ve had this explained and demonstrated was in a blog written by Jon Acuff (Twitter - @jonacuff) at Stuff Christians Like. It’s called Grace Spots.

Compassion

Compassion is really where we show God’s own interest and involvement in our lives, by being connected with others and showing them grace (see above) when they’re hurting. We can be compassionate to people we don’t even know, and I would definitely recommend this. For instance, something I often do is respond to something I overhear someone say whilst walking past. This doesn’t mean be some creepy eavesdropper, this means react to someone having a problem.

This happened just yesterday, I was walking past one of the girls at work (I coach trampolining to girls and boys aged from around 5 to 18 on Monday nights and Saturdays) and over heard her say she needed food because she was exhausted and needed energy. I also heard her say she had no money, so I popped my head in and said “I’ll get you some food, here’s £10, go grab yourself something and get me a bottle of water too, please”.

Another example – I heard a friend of mine talking about needing to catch up on hours of voluntary service for a course she’s doing, so I walked across and offered her some time to come and help with the kids at coaching.

Compassion can be a grand gesture, such as donating a kidney to someone who’s ill, to a tiny gesture, such as helping someone out by giving them a few quid.

Compassion is often a case of sharing the resources you have available.

Love

This is a biggy, no doubt. So big it does encompass the previous two, but it shouldn’t be overlooked. Showing love to someone can be so powerful as a witnessing tool. You can show love by simply listening to someone who has no one else to talk to, or maybe just needs to get something off their chest. You can show even more love by, a couple of days later when you see them again, saying “hey, how did that thing go for you? I was praying about it and would love to know how you got on”.

You can show love by being ready to put yourself out for someone else. Know someone who has kids and needs a babysitter so she and her husband can have date night? Tell them you can babysit, for free, so they can go out and enjoy their marriage to one another. Sure, kids can be a pain in the ass and you probably don’t fancy running around after them on a Friday night, but it’s showing them tremendous love by offering to put yourself out for them.

It can even be a tiny little thing like buying someone something small. I’ll give an example, since you asked.

I remember once one of my friends at college was feeling really rough. He’d had a bad week, was suffering with a cold and was just not in a good mood. When some other friends and I popped to the shop to get some food I grabbed a small bag of sweets I knew he liked and gave them to him back in the lecture room, just because I thought it might brighten his week a tiny little bit. First time he’d smiled all day.

It doesn’t have to be a big gesture, it just needs to say “hey, I was thinking about you and can put your needs above mine for a time”.

One point to make is that all of these actions mean nothing if you don’t do them from your heart. You need to want to do these things to honour God, not because you want to look good and do the right thing. It has to come from the heart that God has changed through the Holy Spirit.

All of these actions show honour to someone other than yourself, which honours God.

Remember, in order to honour God we must act in honourable ways, trying to image Jesus in our deeds, actions and heart.

So next time you wake up and look in the mirror, ask yourself how you can be more like Jesus today.

The next time you have a big decision to make, ask yourself how each decision shows Jesus through your actions.

I pray that this has been a helpful and practical blog post, and that it is pleasing to God. My hope is that people have a better understanding of how faith works and what it means to be honouring of God and people having read this.

Father God I thank you that we have been made in your image and likeness and that you have given us your traits, so that we may mirror the love you pour out to us in our thoughts and deeds. I thank you Lord Jesus for coming into the world humbly as the best example of what a normal human life should look like, so we have something to work toward as sinners you have saved.

Be Not Covetous in your Heart

2011-04-10T09:24:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wonder what exactly we’re allowed to have/own as Christians? I know I do, it’s a subject that often comes up in my mind and it has lead me to do some research on what the Bible says.

To preface this I’d just like to say this – I know a lot of teaching has been done on the subject where the pastor, or priest, or whatever, will simply say “don’t buy expensive clothing or items, no further discussion is needed” and, although this isn’t totally incorrect, it doesn’t address the real reasoning behind why we spend money on expensive clothes, shoes, cars, computer games, prams, etc (whatever your thing is).

In this post I’m going to try my best to bring to you reasoning behind the teaching so you have a fuller understanding of what is appropriate and what isn’t. Hopefully, by the grace of God, I’ll be able to show you that it’s not all doom-and-gloom “thou shalt not have nice things”, but that it’s simply a case of the heart and discretion.[1]

This is a new subject for me as, like I say, I’ve only recently been looking into it, so here’s what I’ve been learning.

To start, the Bible teaches that we are not to love clothing and material wealth; we are not to sacrifice in order to accrue worldly items as it can lead to “many sorrows”.

1 Timothy 6:10 –

“For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows.”

Many of you will know this teaching as it’s usually the one people who preach on the subject camp on, using it as a 100% total banning of having nice things. Well, that’s not really doing justice to the writer, as the teaching goes beyond surface-level, outward shows.

Look at the words used: “Love”, “root”, “craving”, “sorrows”… Those are not words that I would use for a superficial subject. For instance, if I tell my girlfriend I love her that’s me showing my heart, showing my deep conviction that I have very strong feelings for her that extend beyond my outward displays (hugging her, kissing her, holding her hand etc).

Same thing for root, because what is a root? It’s the part of the tree or plant that’s underneath the surface, you can’t see it but it’s there doing something major and important. The root is very rarely on outward display (except in seriously old and gnarly trees) so to attribute that word to something like a superficial display, such as owning a nice car, is odd.

See, the point I’m making (at labour, admittedly – hang in there) is that what it all comes down to is your heart.

What’s in your heart? What is your deepest desire, what do you ache for? If it’s money, clothing, computers etc then you really need to repent of that and ask God to change your heart.

Now I know some of you will say “who’s to say God hasn’t put this love of clothes on my heart?” which is a valid question. I would say that it’s not that you can’t love clothes (or whatever your thing is), it’s how you love them. Is it possible to be a good, Godly gal (or guy, if that’s your thing) who is in the fashion industry as a designer? Totally! Does a fashion designer love clothes? Well, you’d assume so, otherwise they’d probably suck at their job.

The issue is this – do you love clothes a disproportionate amount?

Does your love of something material outweigh your love for God, Jesus, people etc? If so then that’s sinful, you should repent of it, and ask for a renewal of the heart because you’re conforming to the world in which we live.

1 John 2:16 –

“For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.”[2]

So if the love, the LOVE (big, powerful word), of material things is the desire of the flesh[3] then how do we alter that? Well, thankfully our God is a loving God who transforms those who need it. He gives us discretion so that we may use it as necessary.

Romans 12:2 –

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

At this point I know some of you will ask “I’ve assessed my heart and love of possessions really isn’t a huge issue for me, so how does this apply practically to me?”

Good question.

It applies practically in that, although the wanting of material possessions is an issue of the heart, it doesn’t mean we should go out and blow a tonne of money on nice things because we can honestly say it’s not our deepest desire. We need to have discernment and be practical with our money. As Paul says in Romans (see above) “discern…what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

We need to be continually aware that, even if we do not desire strongly the new car, or expensive handbag, or Armani dress, we can still be lured into covetousness and foolishness by purchasing them.

I’ll give you an example, because I feel I need to really thread the needle with this one.

Let’s say there’s a young gal who has some gift money to spend and decides to get an expensive (for arguments sake we’ll say it’s Burberry) dress. She then thinks “I can’t wear this Burberry dress with my ordinary shoes”, so she buys some really nice shoes to go with it. She then thinks “oh my handbag looks so drab next to this dress and these shoes” so she buys an expensive handbag. She then thinks “I can’t have this dress with these shoes and this handbag and drive a horrible old Toyota!” so she has to buy a Range Rover, and so on...

The issue at the start for this young gal hasn’t been worship and desire for material goods like clothes, but she became covetous and discontent, she became concerned about her status, about how she looked, and it became a snowballing issue. She decided she needed an abundance of possessions…

Luke 12:15 –

“And he said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.””

See this is what I was getting at. We need to guard our hearts against covetousness and perhaps spending a lot of money, even as a treat, is something that we need to exercise discretion in.

Remember, the best way to measure how to spend your money is to think “is this good and acceptable to God?”

So, to unpack this – it’s okay to have a nice item gifted to you, that’s fine. It’s ok to buy yourself something nice, if you can justify it before God as something that is useful, won’t lead you to be covetous and is a genuinely practical use of the money he has entrusted you to steward.

Can a guy buy a nice suit for work because he’s in a really good job and can’t turn up looking like he just crawled off the street? Totally! It will help him in his job, which helps him provide for his family, so praise God.

It is not ok to put buying that suit, buying that handbag, buying that car, buying that set of golf clubs etc before your family, your friends and before Jesus.

So guys, examine your hearts. Really examine your motives. Seriously examine your desires with regards to possessions.

Work first on your walk with Jesus, trusting that what he gives to you will be what you need, and that it will be enough for you.

Matthew 6:31-33 –

“Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

God will clothe you in what you need. God will provide for you whatever you need.

This doesn’t mean quit your job and expect things to drop out of Heaven, this almost never happens.[4]

If you have a job then that’s the job God has for you, that’s the salary God has for you right now, and whatever comes of that salary is what is appropriate for you right now. It may change in the future, it may not, but God has a plan for you, so trust him to execute it and continue on in faith.

[1] So don’t worry, I’m not going to be going Puritan on you guys.

[2] From the ESV Bible, instead of the NLT as usual.

[3] For further discussion on temptation of the flesh see this post: http://heartofcorinth.blogspot.com/2011/03/questions-from-new-christian_09.html

[4] Except in Exodus, check out chapter 16.

Want something to study?

2011-04-06T06:22:00.000-07:00

I've written some study notes for you guys to enjoy, all to do with the Questions from a New Christian post series, to go with the new, free 'book' (which can be found here).

Here's the preface from the little 'book' (I really don't know what else to call it) so you get an idea what it's about.

"Welcome to the Questions from a New Christian study/discussion guide.

I decided to write this purely because sometimes getting information and teaching (i.e. the blog series I wrote over 5 parts, which can be found at http://heartofcorinth.blogspot.com/p/questions-from-new-christian.html) is good, but the teaching alone is not quite enough.

I wanted to ensure everyone got the most from the series as I and my guest writer, Christian Cunningham, put a lot of effort into those posts, by the grace of God.

You can do these study notes in your community group or just privately yourself. I tried to cater the questions to suit both scenarios.

The questions after each post are not long, in-depth soul-searching queries, they’re simple questions that will make you think and hopefully help you learn the material in each post better.

The question sets on each post are not particularly long either, each being between 6 and 7 questions per post, so this isn’t a study that will take chunks of your life away from you.

It’s simple, concise and will hopefully help you learn the basics just a little bit quicker, whilst being able to apply it all to your own life.

I pray this little study guide helps you with your walk with God, and I hope you all come to know Jesus a little better (due to these posts or not, either way).

Enjoy!

Ed"

So here it is -

Get the Study Guide here

Want that whole Questions From a New Christian series?

2011-04-05T09:45:00.000-07:00

Guys, I've finally managed to make the entire series available to you in pdf format (I can almost feel the excitement). You can either read it online or save it to your computer, absolutely free.

The Questions from a New Christian series

I really hope you like it, it's taken me some time to sort out, put into order, make and apply the images, turn it into PDF then find a place where you can not only download it but also read it (without the necessity of downloading it).

To God be the Glory.

By the way, if you're not following me on Twitter then you can do - grovenored

Also, the link to follow this blog is now back in it's rightful place on the right-hand side of your screen, so please do find it, click it, and read the stuff God lets me write.

Ditch, Turn, Walk, Abandon – You’re still not lost

2011-04-01T16:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was stood in the shower and I was considering how I view my walk with God.

I realised that, although I often think I do a pretty decent job of following God, it’s less that I do a good job of following God and more God does a good job of pulling me back on whenever I wonder off the path.

The more I think about it, the more I realise I actually do a horrendous job of walking the path God has set for me.

I’ve ditched him because I thought it would make me cooler at school.

I’ve abandoned him when I thought it would make it easier for me to relate to people.

I’ve walked away when I felt like there were just too many rules.

I’ve turned my back on him when I started chasing after relationships.

Through all my life as a Christian I can recall the times I’ve walked away, turned my back, and just been altogether ungrateful and foolish.

It wouldn’t surprise me if God got sick of calling me back, and just left me to it. Turning his back on me and letting my sin consume me.

But he never did. He never does.

I know a lot of people feel like this, and I can feel the Holy Spirit telling me to let you know that, whatever you do, God will still love you.

You can walk away and God will still be there, waiting for you.

You can turn your back, but God will wait right behind you with arms wide open.

You can ditch him but he’s just one out-stretched arm, one outcry away.

You can abandon him, but he’ll never abandon you.

Jesus died so we could be reconciled to God. Do you think your decision to date the wrong guy, or spend time with the wrong friends, or stop living life as a Christian, is more powerful than Jesus’ death, burial and resurrection?

It’s not.

I never did get cooler. In fact, the more I tried to be something I wasn’t the less popular I became. God yanked me back to the path when I realised my identity was in him.

I never did get better at relating to people, that gift has only come since God pulled me back to the path and I started asking for an outpouring of the Spirit on me in that area, and by God’s grace I’m still growing in it.

I realised that Jesus came to fulfil the laws we were bound to, redeeming us to God. Suddenly rules became less important and following Jesus took over as the top priority. God had been on another rescue mission.

That relationship I chased never did anything for me; it just left me feeling hollow, unfulfilled and guilty. I cried out to God and he picked me up and set me back on the path. He helped me end the relationship, turn back to him and live life in the best way possible; living for Jesus.

I know sometimes it’s easy to feel lost, easy to feel like your faith is holding you back, easy to see the problems and ignore the solutions, but don’t give up on God. He’s never giving up on you, even though you turn your back and walk away, even though you abandon him, even though you think you can do it on your own, even though your sinful behaviour grieves him, even though he feels the pain of losing a child as much as any father alive (and more so), he still doesn’t give up on you.

Luke 15:11-31 –

“To illustrate the point further, Jesus told them this story: “A man had two sons. The younger son told his father, ‘I want my share of your estate now before you die.’ So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons.

“A few days later this younger son packed all his belongings and moved to a distant land, and there he wasted all his money in wild living. About the time his money ran out, a great famine swept over the land, and he began to starve. He persuaded a local farmer to hire him, and the man sent him into his fields to feed the pigs. The young man became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding the pigs looked good to him. But no one gave him anything.

“When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, ‘At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger! I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”’

“So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’

“But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began.

“Meanwhile, the older son was in the fields working. When he returned home, he heard music and dancing in the house, and he asked one of the servants what was going on. ‘Your brother is back,’ he was told, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf. We are celebrating because of his safe return.’

“The older brother was angry and wouldn’t go in. His father came out and begged him, but he replied, ‘All these years I’ve slaved for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends. Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the fattened calf!’

“His father said to him, ‘Look, dear son, you have always stayed by me, and everything I have is yours. We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he is found!’””

I turned my back all those times and became the prodigal son.

You turned your back and became the prodigal son, or daughter.

God will welcome you back. God will be filled with love and compassion, will run to you and embrace you.

I like to think he hollers –

“Welcome home!

This son of mine was dead and has now returned to life!

Welcome home.”

Be Like Yeast

2011-03-27T09:21:00.001-07:00

Ever feel like your friends just aren’t getting the whole Christian thing? Or if they are they’re just not buying into it like you had hoped?

One thing I always have on my mind is “am I being Christian enough around these guys? I’m being my normal Christians self, but is that enough for these lewd lads? Hm, maybe I should start Christianing my ass off, else I might not get through to them!”

Know what I mean?

I know you do, so let’s just skip ahead.

In my nightly Bible read I stumbled across something really awesome which applies magnificently to this situation and thought pattern. Of course it’s a parable from the J-man himself:

Matthew 13:33 –

“Jesus also used this illustration: “The Kingdom of Heaven is like the yeast a woman used in making bread. Even though she put only a little yeast in three measures of flour, it permeated every part of the dough.””

If you don’t come to the same grand, Holy Spirit-imbued conclusion as I managed to (cheers, J-man!) allow me to elaborate.

We (you and I) are members of God’s family by virtue of being Christians. We are part of the Kingdom of Heaven, our names are even written down up there for all to see.[1]

When we follow our hearts, lead by the Holy Spirit, we act in a way that is pleasing to God, regardless of who we are with. When we do this we bring the Kingdom of God to those around us. Without even knowing it we permeate those around us, we’re like the yeast in the parable. Maybe people like our morals, or people like how we honour others with our speech, or people like how we speak honestly and not offensively, and people more often than not will respect your commitment to Jesus.

You may not even know it, but you could well be permeating your friends with the Kingdom as you use the blessings and gifts God has poured out to you.

Don’t let yourself think you’re not Christian enough to get through to your friends. Don’t allow yourself to think you need to “Christian it up” in order to get through to your friends, because “they’re a tough nut to crack”. It’s not your responsibility to save people, Jesus is the only person who does that and he doesn’t need you running interference for him. If Jesus wants to grab them with a Muay Thai clinch and fire a knee in like he did with Saul on the road to Damascus then he will. If he chooses to use you to spread the Good Word to those around you then he will. Don’t sweat it, you don’t need to “over-Christian”.

Just be yourself and continue to permeate through those around you, bring the Kingdom of God to people by being the you that God has moulded.

I’ll give you an example from my own life, since you asked.

I love my girlfriend to pieces,[2] she’s a total gift to me and every day I rejoice in the fact God has put me with her. Every single day.

Because God has entrusted me with her I like to treat her properly, like Jesus would demand of me, and in the way the Bible says to honour women.

I open doors for her, I give her my hand to help her out of the car, I pay for her drinks and food etc, I tip generously to any waiter who treats us well when we’re together, I call her gorgeous and beautiful all the time, I always speak well of her whether she’s around or not and I do things she wants me to do regardless of the chance it might make me a little uncomfortable (I’m talking about meeting her friends or doing things I don’t much enjoy, not sexual stuff, that’s clearly not Biblical).

People notice it. Her friends pick up on it. People around me remark on it. My friends ask me about it.

It’s so far from the norm these days (unfortunately) that people are shocked by it.

See, this is what I’m talking about. I’m just doing my duty as a Christian guy and people ask me about it. They ask “how come you’re always paying for your girlfriend, and you never moan about her?”

I can reply “because Jesus loves me, Jesus loves her and God has brought us together. I love her and I’m going to cherish the gift he’s given me”.

People respect that response and more often than not it gets them thinking about their behaviour, and how it stacks up to the Bible, which can lead to more questions…

See? Permeating the Kingdom and I’ve not even noticed it until I was praying last night and the Holy Spirit brought it to my attention specifically for this blog.

It’s like yeast, a perfectly ordinary ingredient that slowly and wonderfully fills the dough entirely.

Be like the ordinary ingredient, acting in your normal Christian way, and permeate others by being Godly.

Don’t try to be Super-Christian, it’s not necessary.

Don’t try to be Jesus and save your friends through works, you can’t.

Don’t try to be extra Godly in front of your friends, people will see straight through it and, frankly, it’s not honouring to God if you’re doing it for others and not for him.

Just be you. Just be yeast.

[1] See Luke 10:20.

[2] You’ll know this if you follow me on Twitter. If you don’t follow me then you should…

Questions from a new Christian, Part V - Prayer

2011-03-25T04:33:00.000-07:00

Over the next few weeks I’ll be going through some questions I’ve been asked by some people I know who are just starting to find Jesus. Hopefully these questions will be questions a lot of new Christians are asking, and that God will help me give useful answers that they find helpful.

This blog post is a guest post from Christian Cunningham, who has recently dipped his toe in preaching and has agreed to write this post for me. I think it’s awesome.

By way of preface, this post is a little longer than usual as it’s re-worked sermon notes.

Question 5: “How do I pray?”

I want to preface this by saying A- I’ll be writing on one specific part of the Bible, which is not the usual style here and B- many of you (as I know not only new Christians read this blog) will listen to Jesus’ teaching here and think “well, I’m a Christian, I’ve been a Christian for a little while now or whatever... I don’t pray like Jesus is saying not to! I got this; I’m down with it”.

This is kind of a principle for any teaching that happens, stuff like this is practical to those who are baby Christians and those who have some spiritual maturity. This is because, as you grow in your walk with God, you will encounter, as you already do, people from different religions, different backgrounds, and different cultures, all with wildly varying ideas of how we pray. And it will be your place, as they come to know Jesus, to 1- teach them about prayer and 2- model it.

I remember, aged 14, when I first went to a non-traditional, what we would term “charismatic” Pentecostal meeting, and I was amazed at the prayers that I heard, and how they were prayed. From growing up with catholic prayer being standard prayers that were repeated, to this chatting, conversational type prayer, was weird, and I listened and learned. So we must do the same as those guys ended up doing for me as a young kid, just doing it so that I could listen and learn. And we need to be willing to teach it, and correct any wrong ideas that some people might have, because, as we’re about to find out, Jesus teaches that not all prayer is good prayer.

Matthew 6:5-6 –

““When you pray, don’t be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them. I tell you the truth, that is all the reward they will ever get. But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.”

Now, Jesus, right off the bell, comes in swinging with a big haymaker. Jesus starts by teaching how NOT to pray. And he does it by saying “if you want to learn how to pray, DON’T copy the religious people; don’t do it like them!”

Now that’s kinda confrontational, if you ask me, and I want you to picture this: Jesus is sat on the side of a mountain preaching to hundreds, more than likely thousands of his followers, probably over several sessions over days or even weeks, and many would turn up to listen to this radical new rabbi who came from the Jewish equivalent of Essex, the new rock star of his generation who had everyone talking about his incredibly powerful teaching, and the religious leaders, the ones everyone is normally giving all the kudos to, would have been put out at their losing all of their groupies and would have headed off to see Jesus, hitching up those skirts, making the trek up the mountain and they turn up to hear Jesus making fun of them and telling everyone not to be like them!

Now some of us would say “But that’s so very rude! He’s telling them the way they pray is wrong, and they’re sat there: listening!” Jesus would preach like this on many occasions: in fact, he got invited to a meal by the religious teachers and then sat there calling them all hypocrites, having a big go at them for being religious fools who made other people’s lives a misery by weighing them down with unnecessary rules.

Plus it’s contradictory, because many have this picture of Jesus being this namby-pamby bloke teaching about lambs and flowers, and actually he went around delivering proverbial preach punches to the faces of some of the most powerful leaders in his culture, bucking the trend and being different, non-conformist.

So don’t pray like religious people Jesus says. Jesus says they are doing it so that we think well of them. In verse 6 He says that people’s respect is all the reward they are ever going to get, because God isn’t impressed. He knows they are doing it for your respect, not His.

Now I must make it clear, it’s not that it’s because they pray on street corners or public places (that’s ok to do!), it’s not because they pray out loud (that’s fine to do by the way if any of you are wondering) - that’s not what Jesus is teaching! Can you imagine prayer meetings where you can’t pray out loud?! I’d end up just smothering myself with my Bible...

Jesus’ issue with this way of praying, it’s that their heart isn’t in the right place when they pray. They are praying for respect of people around them, and not to God. Jesus says clearly “Don’t do that!”

Jesus then says a good way to pray to make sure you don’t do that.

Go and do it by yourself.

Go spend sometime alone in prayer, go close the door to your bedroom, living room, the car (a tip: the car is not as private as you think! Just these last few weeks, as I’ve been preparing for this preach, I tend to preach at the steering wheel. I got one holy steering wheel guys, I’ve scared the sin right outta that steering wheel... I just pick a topic, and freestyle... so I’m there, hammering away one day, setting the world to rights, and then I’ve looked across at the traffic lights where I’m waiting at to see people looking at me very strangely...).

Jesus says to get away from it all, where no one can judge you, you can’t be tempted to show off or tempted to be intimidated and scared to pray out loud by other people and those around you... no, just by yourself, just you and your Heavenly Father. Why? You can’t have pretence when it’s just you and God, you can’t be a hypocrite with God, because He knows everything.

You aren’t telling God something He doesn’t know.

Praying by yourself means what you pray will only be affected by you, and nothing else. It’ll mean you will be more frank, more honest and probably more straightforward. So, principle 1: spend some time in prayer by yourself!

Next, he says something that some might find difficult, because our culture says “you believe what you want, I’ll believe what I want, but don’t ever judge me or tell me I’m wrong”...

Matthew 6:7-8 –

“When you pray, don’t babble on and on as people of other religions do. They think their prayers are answered merely by repeating their words again and again. Don’t be like them, for your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him!”

I’d like to highlight one line here -

“When you pray, don’t babble on and on as people of other religions do...”

Now what does Jesus mean by this?

Ever heard of a mantra?

This is a word or phrase just repeated over and over. It’s popular in many religions as a form of prayer, often as an aid to meditation of some kind. I’ve heard of “breath” prayers, where you get all spiritual, concentrating on your breathing, trying to get into a place of silence where you can hear God, using a mantra to “clear the mind so you can better hear God”. Jesus tells us not to pray this way, but to look to how children relate to their dads, as an example of a good prayer life.

Now imagine if you had a son or daughter who came up to you and said “Dad I want a drink of juice, Dad I want a drink of juice, Dad I want....” You’d be like “Arrrgh! Ok, I heard you the first time!” You’d probably think “Ah man, our kid’s weird! He needs to go to counselling or something...”

Jesus says some religions pray like this. But why do people pray this way?

It comes down to a fundamental misunderstanding of who God is. You see, what marks Christianity out as different from all other religions is we don’t have to earn God’s favour. We aren’t trying to earn our way into the good books of our god; who you try and manipulate, either by being a “good” person, or praying some prayer over and over, or eating the right foods and avoiding the wrong ones, or dressing in a certain way, speaking a certain language or whatever... It’s as if you have to manipulate this resisting, awkward, hard to please entity for it to bless you. So pray over and over and over again until you become a thorn in God’s side and he gives you what you want, is kinda the principle here.

Jesus is saying don’t pray that way - God isn’t a capricious, hard-to-please God! God is our Father; we already have God’s love, we already have his favour.

A good father loves his kid whether he is being good or not.

Romans 5:8 says “God showed his love for us in this way: Whilst we were still sinners...”, whilst we were running around, ignoring God, just being like vile, disobedient selfish little children who are just stupid and don’t know any better. Christ died for us, so that we could be set free from the mess we had got our lives into and start getting things sorted with God.

God just loves his kids, just loves his kids no matter whether he’s been good or bad, his love is unconditional.

Some of you might say here “I understand all this” or “Well, I don’t pray in a mantra like fashion, what’s the issue?”

It’s your heart. When you pray, are you asking your Dad for something trusting that He is a good Dad who will give what is good for you, or are you treating Him like someone you have to appease or persuade?

Do you ask God for things thinking you are more likely to get them because you read your Bible lots this week, or you served soup to the hungry, or chatted about your faith to someone, or you gave a bit extra in the offertory?

Do you just forget that God is a Dad sometimes?! I get caught up with “God the Almighty” and forget that it’s “God, the Almighty DAD”.

And it’s through this that Jesus gets to the crux of his teaching: he starts teaching them an example of a good prayer and how does it start?

Matthew 6:9 –

“Pray like this: Our Father in heaven…”

Now I’m going to camp on this for a little bit because if there is one thing that will change EVERYTHING about how you pray it’s that you need to understand that God is like a father, a dad.

The word Jesus uses in the Hebrew is: Abba, Abba Father. This is the equivalent of our “Daddy”; it’s very informal, very personal. It’s how a Hebrew child would chat to his or her daddy.

Abba, Dad.

This was revolutionary for Jesus’ audience. A very religious, reverential culture, they were scared to even say the name of God, so to call him “Daddy” was verging on the blasphemous as far as they were concerned! “So, I’m meant to call Him Dad? Are you having a giraffe?” You can imagine the collective gasp as Jesus taught these thousands of people to call God “Abba”. God is referred to as Father 14 times in the whole of the Old Testament, in a sort of “father of the nation” way; Jesus in the 4 Gospels calls God Father 60 times. Jesus changed forever, the way we are to pray.

Father…

Now I know some of you will immediately have all sorts of issues crop up as soon as I say “God is your Dad”. Some of you may not have had a good relationship with your father: “Dad walked out on us”, “Dad was harsh on us”, “Dad beat my mum up, he beat us kids up”, “He abused me”, “Dad was never around, I don’t know my dad” and so on.

There are a lot of guys out there who frankly suck at being fathers and they didn’t love you, didn’t care for you, didn’t protect you and teach you in the ways they should have done.

I would say this: Don’t judge your Heavenly father by your earthly father, but judge your earthly father by your father in Heaven.

You may think “but it’s wrong to judge”.

I would say hey, he’s your Dad, he SHOULD have been there for you, he SHOULD have been looking after you, he SHOULD have been loving you.

As I was preparing this talk it really got me thinking about my Dad, my earthly Dad. Now I am blessed with a good Dad, (my Dad loves Jesus, loves my mother with all his heart, made many sacrifices for us as children, ran a good home and looked after all four of us kids) and I realised that that helped me to understand a lot about my Dad in Heaven. And I want to call for all fathers, that we would model our Heavenly father in such a way that when our kids hear that “God is a Dad” they get it, they understand.

My Dad taught me a lot about prayer, although he didn’t realise it. I could always go and ask him things. Dad had a stroke when I was 8, and he was very ill for a long time with it, doctor’s order never to return to work, that sort of thing, so I was fortunate in that I got to spend a lot of time with Dad. He was always teaching me things; he was a teacher himself, a college lecturer, and he couldn’t help it, it was just his nature to teach, to nurture.

We spent a lot of time out in “nature” with Dad, once he recovered enough, forest walks, walks in the countryside, we’d go fishing loads together and I’d lie there in the boat, drinking in an amazing summer sunset, and I’d just enjoy being with my dad. Just reading my book or brutally torturing fish (as some of you would believe I think) it didn’t matter... I just liked spending time with my Dad, and he just liked spending time with me. This is why I love worship. I love spending time in the presence of God, because it’s just spending time with Dad.

I could always bring things to Dad and ask him to do things, and they seem a bit superhuman when you’re a child don’t they?!

My boss at work has a son, he’s about 2 or something, and once Dave fixed his son’s Fire engine toy or something, and now Albert thinks his dad can fix ANYTHING! He brings him crushed flowers and dead ants and says “FIX!”

Now Dave might not be able to fix these things but do you think that he likes it that his son thinks that about him and that he brings all these things to him?

You see, there’s a principle there...God is a Dad, and so he LOVES it when we bring things to him, the big, the small, the seemingly impossible (nothing is impossible for God of course).

Is that your first impulse? When something goes wrong or “needs fixing”, do you take it straight to Him?

You see little Albert, when he sees something broken, he goes “Ding, Dad, Fix!” As we get older, we start trying to fix things ourselves, and for those of us who didn’t become a Christian until you were much older, then it’s harder for you to bring everything to your Father since you feel more independent.

Or do you take it to other people?

My wife explained that there are some things I've brought to her before I've even prayed about it, and it’s not that it’s wrong to share things with others, that’s a very good thing, but have you even prayed about that?

Now there are some things where people will say “Have you prayed about it?” and you’ll say “Yes, yesterday, my house blew up, of course I have prayed about it” or something else obvious, but sometimes it is actually right to ask “have you taken this to God first?”.

So another principle: bring everything to God, involve him in your everyday life! God has perfect patience: You see even where our earthly father might get a bit impatient “errr, I need to get some stuff done, please leave me alone now”, God doesn’t have limited anything, and so is ALWAYS available, wholly and completely. God is not limited by an earthly body, he is always with us, God is always capable. God doesn’t get busy! Load Him up with prayer requests! He is always ready to take on another million prayers in an instant, load him up! God isn’t limited by anything...

And when we bring God our requests, God answers our prayer requests in three ways: yes, no, later. How do you know that? Again, just look at how kids and a good dad relate... I’ll use my Dad by way of example again:

Yes: Dad, can I learn to play the guitar? Dad’s answer: yes son.

No: Dad, can I learn to smoke? ...No, no son...

Later: Dad, can I learn to drive? Later son, later....you’re only 10...

You see sometimes what we ask for in prayer is good and right and it’s in accordance with God’s will and it’s congruent with scripture, and so we get a yes!

“God, can I get a wife that you have made for me”,

“God can I get a husband you have intended for me”,

“God can I have the spiritual gifts you desire for me”,

“God can I get a job so I can support myself or my family”.

And we get a yes.

Sometimes what we ask for in prayer is most definitely not good, even though we may think it is!

“God, I want a brand new shiny car with alloys, any chance?”

“God I said something at work I shouldn’t have, can you bail me out so I don’t have to suffer the consequences of my own actions?”

“God, can you bless my relationship with my boyfriend who I’m sleeping with”. That’s like a kid who asks “Dad, can I touch the hot cooker” he’d say “No; don’t be stupid!” And yet some of our prayers are actually like that.

Sometimes we pray for good things, but it’s not for the right now.

“God can I get that wife or husband” (notice I didn’t say boyfriend or girlfriend there guys...a topic for another time perhaps!),

“God can I be a leader in your church”,

“God can we get blessed with some kids in our marriage”

“God can we find a house to live in?” etc etc.

It’s not a bad prayer, it’s just the answer is perhaps “later”.

Think about your prayers. Are they good ones? Are they asking for the right things? He’s your Dad, He’ll give you good things if they are good for you! If you ask for something stupid, you’ll get a no...

Your Father in Heaven isn’t a prayer slot machine: put in the right amount of prayer, you get what you want out of it. That’s going back to that pagan/religious way of thinking “God I’ve prayed for this loads, we made a deal...you have to give me what I asked for!”

So I’m going to end with this: since God is our father, I want you to make a special effort this week to see how children relate to their dads. Identify when they are bringing stuff to Daddy to help them with a childlike faith similar to what Jesus called us to have. Identify when they are being stubborn, obstinate and just wanting their own way (sound familiar?!) and hopefully the good dad you are watching responds with a firm but loving no. See how when a child hurts themselves, they cry “Daddy” and just run to him for comfort and solace. See how it is that children rely on their Dad to be provider in their lives, they look to him for all the things they need. And above all, when you pray, pray like this: “Our Father, our Dad in Heaven”.

Questions from a new Christian, Part IV - Salvation

2011-03-18T10:03:00.000-07:00

Question 4: “What is Salvation? What did Jesus achieve on the Cross?”

John 3:16 –

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”

In this post I will be assessing what salvation is, and what it means for us as Christians. I will also have a look at what Jesus did on the cross in order for us to receive the gift of salvation.

What is salvation?

Salvation is the act by which we, as sinners set apart from God due to the first sin of Adam and Eve,[1] are reconciled to God through Christ Jesus. In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were in direct contact and community with God the Father at all times, but the sin of the first humans sundered that link. Jesus came as the last Adam,[2] in order to end the disconnection between us and our loving Father.

1 Timothy 2:3-6 –

“This is good and pleases God our Saviour, who wants everyone to be saved and to understand the truth. For there is only one God and one Mediator who can reconcile God and humanity – the man Christ Jesus. He gave his life to purchase freedom for everyone. This is the message God gave to the world at just the right time.”

Salvation is a gift

This is something a lot of ‘religious’ types (your Catholics, Jewish folk and what not) seemingly over-look. See, the prevailing thought in modern religion is that you need to do things in order to earn your passage into the Kingdom of God (including ones we as Christians don’t pray to, otherwise known as false Gods), which breeds this religious pride – “I work with blind kids, pray for 30 minutes at a time 12 times a day, serve at Church in every ministry, work at a Christian charity store and have memorised the entire Catechism. What do you do? Walk with God and play in the Church worship band? … Are you sure you’re doing enough to get into Heaven?”

This is not the mentality we should have, in fact we should have the complete opposite – “I sin a lot because I’m a sinner, and God still loves me enough to send his Son to die for me to let me into Heaven. I don’t think I deserve that, but I thank God for it every day.”

Rejoice in the gift of salvation, cheer for the acts of grace God has poured out onto you through his son, Jesus.

Ephesians 2:8-9 –

“God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.”

Salvation defeats Satan, Sin and Death

When Jesus dies on the cross he did so for our sins. He lived a sinless, blameless life so that he could take on our sin and die in our place, as a ransom for our inability to live perfectly before God. Because of this we can live in the knowledge that we are no longer enslaved to sin (the enemy’s hooks and snares).

Satan’s tricks and desires need no longer ensnare us, for we have power through Jesus Christ to resist and rebuke the enemy, his minions, their works and effects.

Genesis 3:15 –

“And I will cause hostility between you [the serpent] and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring. He [Jesus] will strike your head, and you will bruise his heel.”

James 4:7 –

“So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

Salvation changes your heart

When we receive the Holy Spirit and accept Jesus as our saviour and Lord, our hearts are changed. We turn our back to sin and death and claim new, eternal, life in Jesus.

The Holy Spirit essentially comes into our hearts, cleaning up the shop; it throws out the sin, the evil desires and replaces them with forgiveness given through Christ and cultivates an in-dwelling desire to please God and follow his laws.

I can say from personal experience that when you are filled with the Holy Spirit your desires just change. The sins you committed before so easily become hollow and repugnant, your conscience becomes more engaged and clearer and the things that please God suddenly become very attractive.

Ezekiel 36:26-27 –

“And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations.”

Christian Response to a Change of Heart

1 Corinthians 13:4 –

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”

Our first response to the prompting of the Holy Spirit should be repentance of sin, which allows us to humble ourselves before God and ask our Dad for forgiveness. Through Jesus this is given and from then on our hearts become the place of the in-dwelling Holy Spirit. Our response to this should be great joy!

Beyond this, on a more practical day-to-day basis, The Bible has several points to make.[3]

Be Loving

As Christians we should be able to take in the love and grace that God has shown us and be like a mirror for it, out-pouring it to others we know. We display this by loving our neighbours, but the biggest display of this comes in the form of loving your enemies.

Matthew 5:43-48 –

“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbour’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.”

Know who said all that? Jesus. See, what Jesus is saying is that although loving your neighbour is great, it’s not in-and-of-itself an impressive quality that will draw people to Jesus through your actions. Loving someone who hates you? Now that will draw people to Jesus through your witness. Anyone can love a friend, or a good person, but to be perfect as God is show the same love he showed when he sent Jesus to die for us, even when we were set against him as sinners.

Paul expands upon this in Romans 5:6-8 –

“When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.”

Be Patient & Forgiving

As Christians we should not be quick to anger, except in times where it is righteous,[4] but be slow to anger and fast to forgiveness.

Ecclesiastes 7:9 –

“Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools.”

One practical point on this is that a lot of Christians get this wrong, and they float along never getting angry about anything because they think Jesus was also a fairy who just smiled all the time and never got angry. This is not the right way to think of slow to anger; you still get there, but it’s slow and only comes when it is righteous. A girl gets raped? Be angry! A guy in a bar spikes your wife’s drink? Be angry! Don’t let it lead you to sin, so don’t go and deck the guy or something, but it’s ok to be angry. Don’t hold on to your anger either – be fast to forgiveness.

Galatians 6:9 –

“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”

This also covers being patient with God. One answer God gives to prayer is “later”, so be patient with God if you don’t see what you want straight away, it may not be the right time for you to have it.[5]

Romans 8:25 –

“But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.”

Be Generous

We should be prepared to give generously with our time and money. Not only does this make use righteous in the eyes of the Lord but it also acts as a great witness to others. Know a single mom who’s struggling financially? Offer to pay her rent for her, and when she asks why tell her “because my money is not my money, it’s God’s, and he wants you to know he loves you, so I’d like to pay your rent this month”.

This is a great way to show people the love and generosity of God. It’s also a very loving act for us as Christians to do, which as Jesus says helps us store up treasures in Heaven.

Matthew 6:19-21 –

“Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.”

Being generous is also a sign that your God is God, not the idol of money. Some people are so concerned about being rich for the comfort, status, beauty or luxury it brings that they completely forget about the eternal, abundant life following God brings. Be careful how you spend your money, and review your heart to make sure there is no idolatry there.

Matthew 6:24 –

““No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”

Be Humble

Matthew 5:5 –

“God blesses those who are humble, for they will inherit the whole earth.”

We do all things through the strength of Jesus Christ,[6] so that we may not be proud and start to say “I did this, I saved me”. We should be humble, and accept that without Jesus there is no salvation, and we will die pitiful losers who have accomplished nothing. In Christ there is victory, his victory to be sure, but one we can share in. Understanding that all things we do are of God helps us to ensure we remain humble. Remember, our lives are how we glorify God, but how can we hope to do that if we are seeking to glorify ourselves?

Luke 14:11 –

“For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

I pray that this has been a useful tool for those who are struggling as new Christians to understand what the Holy Spirit is doing through them, and what Jesus has done for them. I pray that, through your relationship with God growing, you come to understand the voice of the Holy Spirit inside, helping it to cultivate your heart so that it desires God’s way above your own.

As always, if you have any questions please feel free to drop them in the comment box below, and I will endeavour to get back to you as soon as I can.

[1] Read Genesis 3.

[2] 1 Corinthians 15:45 – “The Scriptures tell us, “The first man, Adam, became a living person.” But the last Adam—that is, Christ—is a life-giving Spirit.”

[3] A great resource for all these things is the teaching from the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5 & 6.

[4] See Jesus in the Temple (Mark 11:15-17), Jesus cursing the Fig Tree (Mark 11:12-14) and Jesus healing on the Sabbath (Mark 3:1-6).

[5] This, obviously, only applies to reasonable requests. For instance saying “I want a wife” as a 17 year-old lad is a good idea, but the timing’s wrong, so the response will be “later”. “I want to be able to kill people for a living” will get a big fat “no” though as it’s an insane request.

[6] See Philippians 4:13 – “For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”

Humble apologies

2011-03-18T05:25:00.000-07:00

First off let me apologise for the lack of regular content I'm posting, it's been over a week since the last Questions from a New Christian post (if you've not seem them yet, start here), but I am currently working on part IV - Salvation. For some reason I'm finding this post difficult to piece my thoughts together in a good way, so please be as patient as God will let you be with me and I'll get the content to you soon.

Quick update

Just so you know what I have in-store for you guys, here's the plan (subject to change as plans do tend to fall apart quite quickly if I let them):

I've interviewed a new preacher who is taking to the pulpit for the first time this Sunday. In the interview I asked him how he's preparing, what he's preaching on and so on. This content will be available to you as soon as I have it all transcripted and ready to go. I'm hoping this will give you guys some insight into how preachers work and what it's like to teach God's Word.
Part IV - Salvation from the Questions from a New Christian series will be up within a few days, hopefully.
There will be a guest post from Christian Cunningham, the up-and-coming preacher I interviewed, as he takes the mantle from me for one post of the Questions from a New Christian series.
I'm working on getting all the posts from the Questions from a New Christian series together and putting them into one .pdf resource for you guys. There will be the content found here and some extra stuff that I hope will benefit you. This is a current work-in-progress and I have no clue when it will be available.

So there's my quick update! I'll leave you with this -

Galatians 6:9 -

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."

God bless,

Heart of Corinth

Saying “God Bless”

Christianxiety

Dating: Part VI - Q & A

Dating: Part V – Sex

Recommended Reading #5

Dating: Part IV - Love Is...

Dating: Part III - The Ladies

Dating: Part II – The Men

Recommended Reading #4

Dating: Part I – The Basics

A Letter of Comfort

Recommended Reading #3

“It’s not just ________, it’s an idol” Part III

“It’s not just ________, it’s an idol” Part II

“It’s not just ________, it’s an idol”

On the Third Day He Rose

An Update and Some Stuff to Look At

Faith & Honour

Be Not Covetous in your Heart

Want something to study?

Want that whole Questions From a New Christian series?

Ditch, Turn, Walk, Abandon – You’re still not lost

Be Like Yeast

Questions from a new Christian, Part V - Prayer

Questions from a new Christian, Part IV - Salvation

Humble apologies